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zoe & the beatles

“just a twenty-something vegan navigating healthy, positive living with a little help from her friends john, paul, ringo & george!”

Category Archives: weather

March 12, 2011 leap, and the net will appear

before i dive into my latest rambling, i want to first acknowledge the horrific events occuring in japan. my positive thoughts go out to all the people affected. events like these make me feel badly for ever complaining. i know everyone has her own problems, but sometimes i feel shallow and stupid for worrying about what i worry about. my heart goes out to all the victims. i hope the healing process can begin soon…

(and on another side note, thank you all so much for your sweet, sweet comments. there were so thoughtful and heartfelt and i really appreciate them!)

—

i have never been a very independent person. i am shy, quick to over analyze, and grow anxious very, very fast in certain situations. i am hesitant to try new things alone and usually end up dragging a friend with me.

now, however, i see just how utterly important it is to erase the lines i’ve drawn around myself. two days ago, i had a breakthrough. and yesterday? i had a revelation.

breakthrough: thursday afternoon, i went climbing…alone. the only people i climb with are k and our mutual friend, joe. clearly k never lets me know when he climbs and joe never remembers (or chooses not to) inform me of his own climbing schedule so i generally get left out. i wallowed for a bit and grew anxious over the thought of rarely climbing again but then it hit me: i have myself. if people i considered friends suddenly want to leave me out of their lives, so be it. i have myself and i have legs that can take me to the wall. i have a voice to ask people for a belay. i have the ability to climb alone. so i did. and guess what? it was a blast! i almost chickened out, too. i’m so glad i didn’t! i cannot tell you the confidence i felt after climbing solo yesterday. i felt empowered and so capable.

revelation: i am the only person standing in the way of experiencing life. by doling out excuse after excuse, i am essentially denying myself opportunities — for fun, for growth, for learning. by sticking to the main road instead of carving out a new trail in a new direction, i am only deepening the grooves of paths i’ve walked a million and a half times. where’s the excitement in that? where’s the adventure? i’m so sick of not trying things i want to try simply because i am scared.

confidence comes from testing yourself. confidence comes from pushing past your comfort zones and truly discovering what you are capable of.

each day i’ve been trying to push past my comfort zone. i’ve been trying to listen to my inner voice and ignore the negative voice i tend to listen to more often. two days ago i went climbing alone. yesterday, i experienced a pretty powerful revelation. today? well…

today, i quit an hour long yoga podcast twenty minutes from the end. why? because i realized i hate baptise power yoga. because i realized the thought it of produced anxiety in my chest. because i realized i only pushed myself through it purely for a work out, not for a reconnection of mind and body. because when david farmer said “be true to you” i realized i wasn’t. so i stopped. i never stop a work out.ever. as a person attempting to calm my compulsive exercising habit, i think i just did myself a huge favor: i just acted out of self-love.

oh, and let me just reassure you — that was not easy. i am feeling an intense need to supplement with more activity. i’m judging. i’m uncomfortable.

yet…isn’t that what the road to self-love is?

aren’t we supposed to feel uncomfortable? isn’t that what moving past comfort zones is? i think so, and i intend to keep on keepin’ on. tomorrow? well, i have a special challenge for myself. i’m excited and nervous and feeling silly for even calling it a challenge. we all start somewhere though, right? i’ll show you tomorrow.

as for the rest of the day…it’s a bit sunny outside. i want to go out on a walk (originally planned pre-quitting yoga. not supplementing, promise!) to clear my mind and enjoy the patches of blue sky. it’s been nice recently, too…



hope you all have a wonderful saturday!

what have you done recently that’s “outside of your comfort zone”? what do you want to do if you haven’t? and what’s keeping you from doing it?!

namaste

zoe

March 1, 2011 endurance

let’s get all high school english paper here and crank out a solid dictionary definition before we go any farther:

endurance
–noun
1. the fact or power of enduring or bearing pain, hardships, etc.
2. the ability or strength to continue or last, especially despite fatigue, stress, or other adverse conditions; stamina: He has amazing physical endurance.
3. lasting quality; duration: His friendships have little endurance.
4. something endured, as a hardship; trial.

endurance and the act of enduring has been on my mind lately.

it was on my mind mid-way through level three of jillian michael’s 30 day shred earlier this morning. as i sunk down into another push-up, a thought occurred to me. some little voice went, “huh, i’m not huffing and puffing like i was two weeks ago.” then it went, “huh, i seem to not be doing the modified version, either. what the hell?”

my endurance is up. across the board. my runs feel stronger, my yoga sessions more solid. while climbing i don’t feel as fatigued as quickly and recovery feels speedy. mountain climbers don’t kick my ass like they used to. am i getting stronger? all signs point to yes. thank you, strength training. you are amazing. i don’t know why i shunned you for so long!

i endured a lot emotionally during the entire month of february. now that the month has officially come to a close, i feel better. k put me into a position where i doubted myself. a lot of these doubts have left me not feeling like i am enough. doubt prompted me to say, “i’m not good enough. i’m not pretty enough. i’m not funny enough. i’m not smart enough.” worst of it, doubt told me i am not worthy enough to eat. that if i was thinner things would be different. i’ve been enduring that voice as best as i can. i know those thoughts are not true.

sometimes, though, it’s difficult to convince yourself you are worth health and happiness so you reach out for the the only thing available to you for instant gratification. which, in this case, is converting back to old, awful habits that bring you nothing but a twisted, unreal sense of happiness. i know i need to eat and i know that not eating is unhealthy, but i’m still finding myself avoiding certain foods and feeling an uncomfortable, familiar sense of panic when confronted with them. example? for lunch i planned on eating a gluten free, brown rice wrap filled with veggies and beans. but when it came time to take out the wrap, i chickened out and stuck to the veggies and beans. it was kind of a downer.

the positive parts about this are i know these feelings of doubt will leave me soon. very soon. most already have. i feel loads better than last week. each day brings a stronger sense of renewed happiness. i credit this shift in attitude to friends and my family. sometimes i forget the support system surrounding me. i also credit this to the fact that i am seeing the situation realistically. this has nothing to do with me.

so on that note, i’m going out for a low-key bike-ride. i’ve got new music on zee old ipod (mumford & sons officially owns my soul, by the way) and i’ll bring along my camera, too. it’s beautiful outside in an almost-spring-but-still-winter kind of way. i can’t wait to show you! i hope you are all having a spectacular tuesday. i’ve got work later tonight but also a chance to see my friends as well. it’s shaping up to be a decent tuesday! (my least favorite day of the week!)

how do you endure? do you rely on yourself, or do you have a support system? have you seen any physical endurance changes? are mountain climbers not kicking your ass anymore, either?! :)!

namaste

zoe

(oh, and here’s a little mumford & sons action for you!)

February 18, 2011 it’s raining

a lot. like, a lot a lot. it hailed for three straight minutes the other day. it looked like snow blanketed the ground. kind of bananas, considering i do like in northern california and usually hail lasts for thirty seconds, tops.

anyway, the weather is not the point, really. more news regarding life and k is the point, really. on wednesday night i ended it with k, officially. nothing felt like it did before i found out all i found out. i didn’t feel as happy, or excited as i did before. i felt like we were forcing it. and you know what? he agreed. he and i both think he needs time to figure himself out and what he actually wants. it makes sense and i understand. i’m just sorry this happened at all. there was no need to rush into anything but we allowed our emotions to get the best of us. lesson learned, right?

we decided to be friends for the moment, because neither of us wants the other out of each others lives (…there’s something grammatically wrong in that sentence, but this english major is just too tired to figure it out). how do i feel? sad. but i know this is the right thing to do. i’ve had a little voice in the back of my mind telling me so for a little over a week now, ever since i found out all i found out. and you know what? i spent last night and part of this morning at work in complete misery but then i found some deep buried strength and clung to it. after work i went on a run, did some yoga, and spent the afternoon with a friend of mine. instead of wallowing, i’m choosing to focus on the good in my life, because the universe knows i need it now.

i’m really okay with being friends. who knows, we might end up back together in the long run. but i’m not going to focus on that, because the future is something i cannot predict. i’m focusing on right now. and right now, we’re friends. and there’s a million other guys out there who can better appreciate the person i am and actually commit themselves to something special. so. friends it is.

so it’s raining. and i’m trying not to be grey. watching the entire first season of glee is helping, that’s for sure. (oh yeah, i’m addicted. i don’t know how i resisted this for so long).

hope you’re having a lovely friday night and enjoy your weekend! i promise fashion things soon. whatchu think?

what do you do to keep yourself happy?

personally, i play good music, surround myself with good people, concentrate on eating well, and, of course, do ridiculous amounts of yoga and regular exercise :)!

namaste

zoe

February 12, 2011 interestingly enough…

…i never used food to punish myself in the past few days. though completely stressed this entire week, binge eating rarely occurred (maybe once, and on a very low scale). healthy eats seemed to be all i wanted. my comfort foods = carrots and hummus. funny how comfort foods change after living a new lifestyle for a year and a half.

…i’m enjoying running again. maybe because i’m running to feel alive instead of running to punish myself or simply to burn calories.

…i‘m not worried about the number on the scale, even though it’s ten numbers up from where i thought i should be. i only seem to shrug it off every time i step on it. maybe it’s time to chuck the damn piece of useless plastic, huh?

…i’ve maintained my current weight for three months. without trying. clearly my body wanted to be here all along.

…i’m kind of in love with my curves. i can’t fight my genetics anyway and this is so obviously how i am built. my 34 D boobs stayed 34 D no matter how small i got last year. an indication? yes, i think so. do i want to lose weight? no, not necessarily, but i do want to tone up. that being said, however…

…i don’t, and won’t, force the issue. i’d rather focus on being happy instead of focusing on (and obsessing over) my appearance. if i happen to lose weight along the way, cool. really though: whatthefuckever.

…plus all my clothes still fit, anyway. just differently. meaning, they actually fit instead of fall off.

…i look forward to all my work outs. i no longer see them as a chore that must be done but as an opportunity to feel alive. the feeling i get after moving my body cannot be compared to much else.

…i’m still a little anxious when i look in the mirror of put on a pair of jeans. but then i remind myself i’m healthy again, and that this is what healthy people look like. and then i feel better almost immediately.

…the negative moods i always seemed to swim in in previous months rarely strike me. and yes, i am enjoying this reemerging surge of positivity i thought i lost a long time ago.

interestingly enough, life feels a lot brighter and lighter. yes, some days i struggle but those days pop up infrequently. i am feeling stronger and more brave each day. do i still have issues i need to work on? of course. everyone does. but the difference between the me now and the me of months passed is that i am choosing positivity instead of negativity. i’m choosing to focus on the things in my life that really matter. like health and happiness. not the size of my waist, hips, thighs and stomach. that’s all just too stressful, don’t you think?

and, interestingly enough, i don’t think i can answer this question so well…

well, ten years is a long time for now. i hate looking into the future simply because i don’t know what’s going to happen. i don’t want to assume, i don’t want to say ‘i hope to be doing x, y, and z’ because i know that i’ll be changing so much in those ten years. i’ve changed so much in the four plus years i’ve been out of high school. it’s astounding.

but, i guess to give you a general impression of ‘where i want to be’, i’d say i’d want to be in a comfortable place in my life where i am truly happy. where i am doing something i love. i want to be feel supported by the people i love in my life and vice versa. i want all these superficial worries of mine to be non existent. and i want to give — my time, my love, my heart, my compassion, my energy. will all this happen? i don’t know. but i sure think it will!

hope you’re all having a wonderful saturday. me? well, i got off work about an hour ago, just ate some lunch, and am about to shred it with jillian michales before i go rock climb with some friends and drive on home for a little visit with my parents and one of my best, best, best and oldest friends (2nd grade!). enjoy the sunshine! (if you can at least…if you can’t, well, enjoy a picture of a warm beach while you cuddle up with some tea :))

what interesting things have occurred to you recently? where do you ‘want to be in ten years’?

namaste

zoe

September 19, 2010 the art of balancing

happy sunday morning! or, rather, happy grey, misty, humid sunday morning. the weather can’t quite decide what it wants to be today. i still kind of love it.

yesterday the good vibes just kept on rolling. and the run? hands down the best run i’ve ever been on. ever. from start to (reluctant) finish, i only felt awesome. i dug on the music, dug on the beautiful scenery, dug on the ridiculous happiness cultivating in my chest. it felt good to move my legs like that. and it felt good to not associate it strictly with the amount of calories burned. i never ran long distances to challenge myself in a healthy, fun way — i only did it to burn, burn, burn. not part of this run felt like a challenge, though. my legs carried me seamlessly from one spot to the next. i followed no set path. i stopped only because i needed to meet candace at the house on her break. oh, and can i just add: running with knees that are not bums kicks ass. i like the no pain knees better. go figure.

and i took some advice from my latest obsession, thrive, and ate a recovery snack high in easily digestible carbs. according to brendan braizer, consuming a recovery snack high in protein and fat directly after a work out forces the body’s energy and blood flow to the stomach in order to digest. this energy, crucial now as the body is recovery from a work out, can now not properly repair the body. the body’s repair time gets extended and a lot of energy is expanded. he suggests eating a small recovery snack and then a few hours later, when the body has had some time to repair, eat your protein-rich meal. it helps the body recover faster!

i’ve practiced this philosophy a for the past couple of weeks and i can tell you i seriously feel a difference. i have more energy after my work outs. i feel myself recovering much more quickly. i don’t wake up fatigued and sore and miserable the next day. it’s pretty awesome! yesterday’s recovery snack was a smoothie. half a banana, half a overwhelmingly delicious farmer’s market white peach, some ice and some almond milk. the crucial ingredient? sea salt! i sprinkled a good bit in there because i am a biiiig salty sweater. yum.

for dinner a few hours later, i went with exactly what my body was craving: carbs, carbs, carbs. and this was born:

a roasted garlic hummus smothered millet, eggplant and kale brown rice quesadilla!

i baked the eggplant before i put it in the quesadilla. this was absolutely delicious. seriously. just look at it.

and, oddly enough, i was craving salt. i took it as a cue from my body to add a bit more salt — i must of sweat out a ton!

for dessert about an hour later i created something yummy! i am still off the chocolate train for now (and, actually, feel a bit better). but i do eat cocoa powder and raw cacao powder. so i put this together:

nut butter chocolate cups!

one is sunflower seed butter, the other almond butter. all i did was take coconut oil, melt it down, and mix it with unsweetened coco powder. i find i really enjoy the unsweetened taste of chocolate now. i’m weird. really, though, i credit this to my drastic decrease in sugar. i rarely, if ever, consume white refined sugar and i feel better because of it. sugar just doesn’t work for my body. have you ever found anything you just don’t jive with at all?

but anyway, onto the business of this deliciousness. all i did was melt the coconut oil, put half in the bottom of two cupcake holders. then stuck them in the freezer for about ten minutes to harden some so the nut butters wouldn’t sink to the bottom of the cup. then i topped it off with nut butter and then the remainder of the melted coconut oil. the good thing about coconut oil? well besides being pretty darn good for you, it freezes quickly! so you can consume this in no time at all:

i’m having fun in the kitchen again. it’s exciting.

i’m balancing pretty well at the moment. my libra scales are happy. i am happy. and concentrating on expanding that happiness. i’m listening closely to my body and, wouldn’t you know it, successfully balancing my emotions, my skin, my weight, my metabolism, my energy. i’m not sure if i have, but i feel like i’ve stumbled onto something here. regardless i’m totally running with it. i’m breathing a big sigh of relief this sunday morning.

i’m taking it easy today. i’ve got family dinner this evening and work tomorrow at 6:45. so i’m just doing homework and hopefully retiring to bed eaaaarly. it’s been a sleepless kind of weekend. maybe i’ll squeeze in some nice hatha yoga if i have time. anyway, have a good one!


(i can sit in half lotus now! my hips are so. tight. another gift from running and stress)

namaste!

zoe!

(and p.s: just looking at this picture from last night. my skin is healthy again you guys. i’m so happy :)!
)

September 12, 2010 an untimely coincidence

a beautiful end to a beautiful weekend. sunshiney blue skies all weekend. no work. lots of friends and lots of adventures.

what did i do?

saturday a friend and i went to the 12th annual power to the peaceful festival in san francisco. unfortunately, i missed the day including yoga. fortunately, i went to a day filled with music, excellent vendors, fantastic organic foods and tons and tons and tongs of people. we saw rebelution. we saw other local bands. we watched acrobatic yoga. we saw a lot of old hippies, lots of young hipsters, and a bunch of peace loving kids (me included). i also got to feast on some food from lydia’s organics! they’re a local company (from my home town!) and i’ve talked about how much i love their crackers so it only made sense i loved their food as well.

this plate of deliciousness was called the coconut curry special. delicious salad with “rice” (cauliflower) and marinated veggies in a coconut curry sauce. um. so…this was delicious! and it came with three of my most favorite crackers!

cloooose uuuppp!

this was ultra hydrating which was exactly what i wanted. it was ridiculously hot in the city yesterday and i could not get enough water.

another great part of yesterday? BUFFALO!!

san francisco has a section of golden gate park fenced off for these buffalo. they’ve been here foreeeever and i remember my grandma taking me to see them when i was a kid. new sight for my friend, who is originally from san diego.

and last night one of my best friends from high school came to visit me. and this morning we went to the farmer’s market! i went a little crazy…

minus the hummus (part of my lunch i was snacking on!) the pile of food you see includes dino kale, kale, thai sweet basil, basil, cantelope, heirloom tomatoes, okra, peaches, nectarines, eggplant, mango plums (these are seriously delicious), carrots (ooof course), romaine, and three nut butters i got at trader joes (my most favorite place everrr). i am stocked for the week and plan on making lots of delicious meals when i have time to do so.

also, i’ve contemplated new ideas for my next tattoo. i am addicted, this is true. number three will most likely be words because, well, for obviously reasons — i am a writer. i love words and find meaning in so many. i’m thinking about getting some (more) beatles’ lyrics. are you surprised? there’s a few lines from the song ‘dear prudence’ that really strike me: ‘the sun is up, the sky is blue, it’s beautiful, and so are you.’ it would be a permanent reminder to see the bright side of the issue and to always see the beauty in people and things and especially in myself. what do you guys think! i’d get it on my left side, if you were wondering. i’m going to sit with it a few months and see how i feel. never get a tattoo on impulse! shit’s permanent!

but my main dilemma unfolded itself in front of me this weekend. it kind of sucks. and i’m kind of wondering where all this karma is coming from. the universe sure knows how to create an unfavorable coincidence sometimes. allow me to explain. last year around this time i met a guy who i immediately really liked. we seemed to click pretty well. but there was just one problem (isn’t there always?): he had a girlfriend. so i put my feelings aside and just stayed his friend. and pretended the flushed feeling he created in my face and the nerves he ignited in my stomach did not exist. no, we were just friends.

so now, almost a year later, i find a boy at work who i think is pretty cute. he is quite similar (re: very) to the guy i originally found attractive. we all work together, i should mention. and about a week ago, boy number one got dumped by his girlfriend. right when i started to “move on” from my little crush that refused to die. and guess what? yeah, it refused to die. this crush has acted more like a phoenix, really. it grew again from the ashes of epic fail. and i know he’s in no position to start a relationship. and i know his heart is broken. and i know i have no interest in being a rebound. but damn it…i really like him.

i don’t often talk about boys on here. i am really shy. painfully so. i’ll tell those background stories another time. but do know that right about now, i am done with the single thing. and i’ve been working really hard to put myself out there. and it seems to have worked. boy number two kind of likes me. i can tell. candace can tell. but now boy number one is suddenly free of his girlfriend. this is a shitty situation. there’s no other way to put that. talk about a ridiculous “love” triangle. ugh.

any suggestions as to what i should do? i hate leading people on and always make sure never to do it (learned that lesson. again, another story for another day…) and i do like boy number two it’s just…you know. what do i do? kill this new found crush and patiently wait? or the other way around? i don’t even know if i have a shot with boy number one, either. regardless, this is going to drive me crazy for a little bit. any help would be much, much appreciated.

as for now, i am just going to go with the flow. which means making dinner (it’s soup sunday afterall!) and ignoring my homework till the last possible second.

have a great evening, kidlettes. and i apologize for this rambling post. i tend to do that a lot. thanks for sticking around.

namaste!

zoe!

August 11, 2010 the experiment(s)

today i woke up curious about one thing: running.

i know, i know. i kicked the habit about a month ago. but something in me today wanted to experiment, to see how my body might react. i promised myself i’d walk if i felt uncomfortable or miserable. so, after rolling out of bed, i chomped down a date, laced up my running shoes (which felt weird) and walked out the door. how’d it go?

a little something like this: brisk walk for five-ish minutes to warm up. then the running began. it definitely felt interesting to move through the running motions again. my pace was slow, though not heavy. it took a couple of minutes to steady my breath but once i did, it felt okay. nothing hurt i’m happy to report. no knee pain, no tight hamstrings. the last mile did not go so well. whatever fun i found in the beginning of the run faded and, in keeping with my promise, i walked the last half mile. in all i think i ran just over three miles (i took my old four mile loop) which to me felt perfect. i came home and stretched it out which felt even better.

will i run again? most likely not. it didn’t feel as fun as i wanted it to be but i’m glad i attempted it. and i’m glad i listened to my body. maybe i’m just not cut out to be a runner. and you know what? that’s okay. now yoga, well…yoga and i are deeply involved in a whirlwind love affair. i’m definitely cut out to do yoga and that makes me happy. i think one of the main reasons i ran is because so many bloggers i admire run. however, i’m learning my body is just that — my body. and i’m listening to it now.

and it totally wanted this perfectly purple smoothie when i got back from my run!

i know it’s a bit difficult to tell, but that smoothie is just about the same color as my bowl! into the blender went one (organic!) banana, the last of my frozen watermelon, some frozen berries, and some farmer’s market kale. topped with cinnamon and coconut. it was good. and filling. however, i’m now freezing. you’d like the middle of august in california might be hot, right? wrong. it is almost one (uh, where’s the day going?) and completely overcast. and cold. the clouds come and night and kind of refuse to leave sometimes. we have yet to have a warm summer night. it’s a complete bummer because warm summer nights are what i look forward to every year. oh well…

i also recently experimented with some mushrooms! i combined the following as a marinade/sauce:
3 t apple cider vinegar
2 t olive oil
1/2 t bragg’s liquid aminos
1 t cumin
1/4 t cayenne
splash of water
squeeze of a lemon
dash of pepper
dash of garlic powder (optional)

then, i roughly chopped some mushrooms and poured the marinade/sauce over them. i let them soak up the flavor for a good day (unintentional. i meant to eat it for dinner later that night but ended up at the giant’s game for jerry garcia tribute night!!!) and the results were really awesome! super spicy (just how i like it) and tasty. i turned it into a wrap. collard green wraps may be my new favorite thing. also, i’m finding i love raw foods. loooove. anyway, it looked a little something like this (hit it!…yeah, i’m a dork, so what? ;))

inside my collard green wrap went the mushrooms, some purple cabbage, and some farmer’s market tomato. how pretty are all those colors together!?! this is why vegetables excite me so much. they’re so pretty.

upclose!

i also tried okra for the first time yesterday! i bought some after wanting to for a while. i’ve heard of their slimy reputation so i baked them. and paired it with ketchup. um. can we say new obsession?

i saved some for another dish i want to make. i’ll share that with you tomorrow, i’m thinking! anyways, it FINALLY looks like it’s clearing up! and i want to get in my dose of sunshine for the day before work at 5. have a great wednesday, everyone!

namaste!

zoe!

August 1, 2010 home sweet home

after seven long, beautiful days, i get to say hello to you again, kidlettes!

vacation went a little like this:

first stop: sacramento state fair! i still don’t understand why sacramento is california’s capital. it’s not that cool. but the fair was fun! it was HUGE. AND i managed to find vegan food! hooray for pita carts! plus…

smokey and i got a little friendly 😉

our first day in tahoe: family thrift shopping! laughing at lots of ridiculous things. discovering two cute hats! and a silly, silly shirt reading “america” for my brother. anyone seen team america? my brother and i like to look at each other whenever we see something decidedly “american” (i.e: giant inflatable american flag bearing bald eagles on top of a car dealership…) and say: “america — fuck yeah!” seriously, trey parker and matt stone are geniuses. later that night we saw inception. HOLY BALLS. inception = a complete mind bending, awesome movie going experience. pluuuus i got to stare longingly at leonardo dicaprio and joseph gordon-levitt. the later of which makes my heart beat rapidly. so, so rapidly. le sigh. i swoon.

then we kayacked! around echo lake. gaaah. it was hard! but it was fun. and lovely on the eyes. i will say i woke up in a wicked mood that day (i blame it on the full moon. emotions were HIGH!) and it took me a while to snap out of it and appreciate where i was and what i was doing and looking at. i’m trying to put my petty emotions aside and appreciate the moments i pass through and all the beauty they contain. i am working on spending less time feeling down and more time feeling happy, light, and free. a challenge, yes, but nothing i cannot accomplish. plus, just look at this!

next up, a lovely, 1.2 mile uphill hike! beautiful trees. beautiful lakes. beautiful sky. beautiful company. and a little bit of rock climbing. climbing rocks = possibly the most fun thing ever. i love climbing anything, really. rocks. trees. up onto roofs. i’m not afraid of heights, either. so that’s a plus! last school year i got my belay license at our gym’s rock climbing wall which, regretfully, i did not take advantage of because i was too intimidated to. there’s some intense climbers at my college, yo…

what else happened? the beach of course! did i feel comfortable in my bathing suit? yes and no. more comfortable than i have in YEARS. but you know, still working on body anxiety. yadda yadda yadda. but i felt good enough to lounge around in my two piece all day. move on up! PLUS i got to hang off of a floaty while a boat pulled me. new experience. new AWESOME experience.

i also got to bake another cake!

a completely un-vegan cake. but that’s what you do when you’re brother’s friend turns 16. i love baking anything anyway so. whatever! chocolate cake. chocolate frosting. raspberry jam in between. chocolate chips in there somewhere. (by the way…the smell of all that chocolate nauseated me…)

and speaking of chocolate: i ate chocolate. dun-dun-duuun. well, it was sunspire grain-sweetened chocolate. so no refined sugars there. and it was unsweetened chocolate. but what did i find? well i ate it. and i liked it. duh. but ugh, it made me feel sick. i seriously am not craving it. i find myself craving broccoli and carrots and hummus like a pregnant lady though. and just healthy foods in general. also, i’ve been feeding myself more too. it’s a bit difficult at times and i find anxiety squeezes my heart and my blood warms uncomfortably but i just try to breathe through it. i try to remind myself healthy food does no damage to my body. it just makes it happy!

other things: FINALLY finished middle sex. do yourself a favor and READ IT. PLEASE. jeffery eugenides knows how to craft a beautiful sentence. (um. anyone else notice how beautiful is my most favorite word in this post? my apologies.) AND i started on another book written by one of my other favorite authors: lullaby by chuck palahniuk. chuck p. how i love thee. i sing his praises so much. talk about a gifted writer. he’s so thought provoking and elegant and hilarious and smart and…well, you get it. i love how straight forward his writing is. so crass. so entertaining. so effing brilliant.

and more things: so so so much yoga this week!

not a day has passed without me doing some. and some times i do some twice a day! i love how it calms me and puts me in this place of pure serenity. plus, i love how strong i feel! i still have issues getting into crow. and headstands. but i’m getting there. i love how yoga is about doing what you can and and not about forcing and rushing. i’ll get there. i’m so excited to get there, too! but i will not lie. some days i’ve felt major anxiety about not running. i am so happy i am not doing it but i feel like i am not “working out” enough. plus, i saw runners everywhere. we even came across a group of people at a running workshop. thanks by the way, universe. testing my strength, eh? whatever. i also worked out my work out anxieties with jillian michaels and shredded it uuuup. lady makes me sweat. and i love it.

but really, if you do anything today, please read this beautifully written and incredibly touching piece over at jezebel. it brought tears to my eyes (side note: i am such a wimp. i am an emotional weenie. everything and anything can make me cry if i attach enough meaning to it). it is an emotionally charged, thoughtful piece of writing that i connected to on several levels. and i think you might, too! plus, i love sharing beautiful writing with people. whenever i feel passionately about something, i tend to want to share it with everyone i know. much to the annoyance of everyone i know 😉 but dang, i just love words. and i love, love, love beautiful, magical words. helloooo english major with an emphasis in creative writing.

(which, on a SUPER side note, i’ve been thinking…would any of my lovely readers care to actually read some of my writing? like, my real writing? it’s been a journey to open up and actually share it and i guess i should give you a little taste of what i love! again…passionate about something = me sharing. and since i’m comfortable with letting people read my work now (thank the universe for creative writing workshops!), i’d love to share it with you all! that is, if you want to read it. if not, totally feel free to tell me “zoe, shut up. please.” ;))

whew! what a long and winding post. i missed blogging. could you tell ;)? and i may or may not have sneaked on to a few blogs while on vacation…so much for unplugging 😉 i’ve got a few topics (and more pictures!) to discuss with you all soon, too! so stay tuned!

until then…

namaste!

zoe!

July 21, 2010 judgmental much?

goooooooood afternoon lovies :)!

is the day sunshiny and bright and beautiful where you are? i hope so! it certainly is over here. i just got back from a round of ultimate frisbee golf with a couple of friends. i biked over to the area and finally got to snap some pictures! i biked along the trail i usually run. (by the way, i cannot at all express to you how happy i am whenever i remember i am no longer running. i feel lighter and freer. so i think i am doing something right here in the decision making department!)


(the rest here are just ones i took biking up the hill (i didn’t stop!!!) to the course.)




(my school is on the left!)

i am so blessed to live out here. during the rainy season the hills turn an ireland-like green. it’s so pretty!

before i biked to meet my friends, i did a 20 minute gentle hatha flow. and then started day one of jillian michael’s 30 day shred! i have no form of strength training going on and i need a new replacement for cardio and have heard good things about this video. it worked me a bit but i also started with 3 pound weights. i think when i advance to five pounds, my arms and back will really start to feel the burn!

i also started out the day with this lovely smoothie bowl:

the bowl contains one frozen nanner, one white peach, a BIG handful of spinach, half a cup of almond milk, half a cup of water, and half a teaspoon of xanthan gum (found for cheap at target of all places!). i sprinkled the last of my puffins on top and added a sprinkle of unsweetened coconut flakes! it was so good. something about eating a smoothie out of a bowl leaves me feeling much more full than if i drank it out of a glass. weird, right?

anyway, what i really want to talk about today is judgement. we all have opinions…so we also all have judgements. when we pass judgement on ourselves or on others, the action may never be intentional; if anything it might just be instinctual. it may also never be acknowledged as well. we are a very judgmental society. the action of judging someone or something comes naturally. we usually do not think twice about how easily we judge.

why we judge is complicated. i think we’re constantly stuck in the comparison game. our society sets a standard in several areas of life (i.e: in beauty, intelligence, success) and a way to measure those standards against our own lives. one of the means of measurement is comparison. by thinking to yourself “well, at least i don’t look like her!” you temporarily give yourself a boost in confidence. but you are also passing a negative judgement against someone. how might that person feel if your thought did not stay in your head but some how found it’s way out of your mouth? so, in working towards being less judgmental towards myself, i decided to also start practicing non-judgmental thinking against others.

whenever i find myself passing someone and thinking “oh god, what is she wearing?” or “how can he eat that?” i stop, rewind, and reconsider. i try to find a way to compliment the person i just judged. i’ll think “well, i am not her. her clothes work for her. she’s comfortable. good for her, wearing what she wants!” or “it’s his lifestyle. he looks like a nice guy!”

since tuning into my thoughts and focusing on what my mind is actually saying, i have found my inner voice to be way less judgmental. if i look at someone, before immediately sizing myself up against them, i find myself thinking “he’s got a great smile!” or “she has really pretty eyes!”

i do this to myself as well. if i think “uh, i hate my stomach today” i’ll immediately think “okay, maybe for today you hate your stomach. but look at all the other positive things you have to offer!” to find beauty in others, it becomes crucial to first find beauty in yourself. otherwise, all the negativity you channel into yourself will reflect on how you view others and your environment. work at positivity, yo! it’s so worth it. living in a negative world enshrouded in negative emotions really puts a damper on living life to the fullest. it ain’t easy, never said it was. i still struggle with negative thoughts — who doesn’t? but the point is, i’m trying. even the fact that i am trying makes me feel more upbeat.

and, to end on a lighter note, let me share with you the radtastic lunch i just consumed:

pita plate! with raw carrots, raw cucumbers, and lightly steamed broccoli. not quite there yet on raw broccoli. it’s okay — just not great. paired with a whole wheat pita (89 cents at the mediterranean market!) and some super spicy sabra hummus. it was delicious. unpictured: water melon chunks!!! finally cut up that mondo watermelon i bought. froze a bunch. kept a bunch fresh. perrrrfecto!

enjoy the rest of your day!

namaste!

zoe!

June 22, 2010 double digits!

good afternoon kidlettes 🙂

before i get to the topic i want to discuss today, let me start by saying this:

I RAN MY FIRST EVER DOUBLE DIGIT RUN TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! afjdslkfjkldnfoiefhklsdfdanfdjshfljrklesj!!!!!!! yeah. that’s how i express my excitement.

i woke up determined this morning. after a ridiculously fun night (went to my friend’s party. enjoyed the company. stepped out of my comfort zone. talked. smiled. laughed. flirted. felt great. it was awesome. AND my boys and i went intoxicated night biking :)!) i wanted to keep my good mood alive. i prepped for the run by eating a bowl of puffins with half a nanner. i also ate two slices of orange, a small small date, and a baby scoop of pb. i waited over an hour to run.

how did it go? AMAZINGLY. seriously. i ran just under 10.5 miles WITHOUT STOPPING. i found a groove and just rocked it. what kept me going? a lot of things! YOU GUYS, for one. my mantra for the entire time?

if caitlin can do it, i can do it! if angela can do it, i can do it! if jackie can do it, i can do it! if evan can do it, i can do it! if ashley can do it, i can do it! if kath can do it, i can do it! if emily can do it, i can do it! if jenna can do it, I CAN DO IT!

and you know what?

I DID IT!!!!!

(none of those people know me or read my blog (save for jackie!!!!!!!!!!!! :)! but they’re a total inspiration to me. seriously.)

never ever EVER in a million years did i think i would EVER be running 10.5 miles. for FUN. i enjoyed just about every minute of it. my knees started to hurt around mile 7 (i think? i have no mile tracking device i can take with me on my runs.) and the last .5 miles i had to run REALLY slowly because i felt sick (dehydration.)

what did i learn?

i need a camelback. or SOMETHING. because DAMN, i dreamed about water the entire run. i’m a salty sweater too. the second i came home i poured myself a HUGE glass of water, squeezed half a lemon into it, popped a few ice cubes into it, and CHUGGED LIKE CRAZY. then i did it again 🙂 and am doing it again as we speak!

what else did i learn? i can run to music with slower beats. literally, i was so unconscious of my body during the run (save for my knees (which eventually felt better) and the end of the run where i felt like puking) and just enjoyed what i was listening to. and the environment! i combined two of my favorite routes to form one big one. it was so pretty! it’s beautiful out today. not too hot with a slight breeze…peeerfect 🙂

did i learn anything else? oh you BET. i need knee braces!!! my IT bands were aching. i need some form of support. my poor knees cannot take much more. so so sooo many years of sprinting and running in soccer has angered them, i’m thinking.

it took me 101.9 minutes to run! what’s that, like an hour and forty-ish minutes? i’m too lazy to calculate it and i SUCK at math (i have a math learning disability. numbers freak me out.) i knew i needed some great grooves to power me through my run. SO. i created a new playlist, aptly titled doubtdigitsss. what’s on it you ask? some old favorites and some new players!

oh! — boys noize (usually i run to the remix. this one is KILLER! i always forget!)
combat baby — metric
derek — animal collective (…i. love. this. song. !)
like a drug — kylie minogue (super underrated singer. she’s badass!)
just a girl — no doubt
dammit — blink-182 (i’m a HUGE blink fan!!!)
reckless abandon — blink-182 (see :)?)
around the world (la la la la la) — ATC (ahaha remember this one?)
wow — kylice minogue
put your hands up — benny benassi (this was awesome. so glad i added it!)
walking on air — kerli (THIS was awesome!!!! everyone should have this song period.)
walk away — kelly clarkson (i love kelly. i am so not ashamed to admit this.)
rocket in the sky — benny benassi
sweetness — jimmy eat world
fasten your seatbelts — pendulum (i’ve run to this before but for some reason, today i was not feelin it!)
get me bodied — beyonce (not a fan usually but this song is such a pump up!)
track 1 — A.R. Rahma (sorry guys, no idea what this is called. it’s the opening song for inside man though, if you’ve ever seen it. it’s indian. and amazing. the beats? incredible.)
speakerphone — kylie minogue
the middle — jimmy eat world
deny selected — boys noize
we will rock you — queen (a-duh!)
london beckoned songs about money….–panic! at the disco (confession: i saw them in concert in high school. 2nd confession: i loved it. 3rd confession: i still love them. shhhh…)
don’t leave me — blink-182
e-pro — beck (yeeeees! beck rocks)
anthem, pt 2 — blink-182
when the sun goes down — arctic monkeys (i love these guys. i saw them in concert too. it was so badass i can’t even explaaaain!)
kill the lights — b. spears
circus — b. speaaaars
come fly away — benny benassi (this is the last song i listened to)
i don’t give a… — peaches
disturbia — rihanna
dumpweed — blink-182
dancing shoes — arctic monkeys
get fly — atmosphere (this is the closest i usually get to rap/hip hop. atmosphere is a beautiful lyricist. i love words and his are ridiculously powerful. he’s got soul, kids.)
a-punk — vampire weekend
stronger — kanye west (confession: i’ve seen this fool in concert too. the tickets were free so i’m not too ashamed. cause he’s an ass to the nth degree)
another one bites the dust — queen
the purple bottle — animal collective
a certain romance — arctic monkey’s
the things you say — cicada
S.O.S — rihanna
immigrant song — led zeppelin (i’m a classic rock and roll baby. for sure.)
complicated — avril lavigne (yeah. so i’m an old avril fan. wanna fight??? ;))
summertime clothes — animal collective

whew! long list! i always make crazy long lists. i know i’ll never listen to them all but sometimes i just don’t feel a song and having options is always great, right?

anywho. i came home ready to eat my arm off. i dreamed about this sandwich the entire run. food is a great motivation 🙂

tempeh-salad sandwich!

oh.my.god.

i love tempeh. loveloveLOVE. and this rocked! i just crumbled the last of my tempeh (no, i’m not crying. i just have something in my eye…!) and mixed it with a scoop of vegenaise, some dijon mustard, and lemon juice. topped it with some lettuce and cucumber slices. this HIT THE SPOT. i also ate two HUGE carrots and some hummus.

oh yes, i also made this little thing the other day. i attempted to veganize julie’s cauliflower pizza crust but failed. so i turned it into this!

yummy rice-i-fied cauliflower (which i added spices and seasonings to) topped with tempeh i sauteed in a homemade bbq sauce. i sprinkled nutritional yeast on top. and ate it off of cucumber slices like this!

sigh. it was so good. i want to relive this. right meow.

but i’m not! instead i’m going to lay out on the couch and rest my legs! and read. and finally get around to watching capitalism: a love story. should be interesting, i’m thinking. always enjoy michael moore’s movies. though i ALWAYS take them with a grain of salt 😉

be on the look out for a post later tonight. i have things to discuss with all of yous!

until then…

namaste!

zoe!