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zoe & the beatles

“just a twenty-something vegan navigating healthy, positive living with a little help from her friends john, paul, ringo & george!”

Category Archives: real talk

February 14, 2011 to which i say:

FUCK THAT.

(my apologies for the profanity if you’re not a fan. i happen to be one, especially when i feel passionately about something. and i ain’t gonna censor me ;))

okay, i hear you: zoe, what are you effing off? let’s back up a few feet and ground ourselves in a less passionate place.

no one will deny the united states has a collective opinion about beauty and what it supposedly looks like.



you get the idea: flat stomach, toned arms, sculpted butt and thighs. (and, usually, blonde hair and fair skin, unfortunately)

but let me ask you a question: when was the last time you changed for anyone other than yourself?

because you are you, you are clearly amazing. and wonderful and smart and passionate and so, so beautiful, inside and out. you know all this. i know you know all this. yet, when was the last time you pined to be someone different than your own sassy, badass self? when was the last time you coveted a piece of someone so distinctly not you? when was the last time looked at your reflection, and felt unattractive and unworthy? (i hope it wasn’t recently!)

so this is what i say fuck that to: if we have and value our own individual opinions and perspectives about the world, why are we scrambling to adhere to a standard of beauty none of us really judge others by? tell me, would you ever call your friend “ugly” or “fat” just because he or she doesn’t look like one of the many bodies gracing magazine covers and television screens? of course not! because your ideas of beauty are most likely different than the “collective” ideas.

keeping all this in mind, ask yourself why you judge yourself (if you do) so harshly. if you are not holding anyone you love up to any standards, why are you holding yourself up to those (usually impossibly) standards? are we not supposed to love ourselves like we love our family and friends? why is embracing ourselves completely so difficult?

so i am saying fuck that to perfectionism. i’m saying fucking that to the standard collective ideas of beauty. i’m saying fuck that to compromising your own personal beliefs just to fit a mold we rarely hold others up against. i’m saying fuck that to not owning and believing in your own awesomeness, your own beauty. because trust me, it’s definitely there.

what do i find beautiful? a great sense of humor, a sparkling smile, a kind soul, a vivacious personality, confidence, intelligence, infectious happiness. oh, and, of course, the ability to say fuck that.

recently, i’ve been saying fuck that on a constant basis. i’m no longer trying to be anything but myself, and that includes not trying to force my body to look a certain way. it feels liberating to know, and more importantly to believe, that beauty truly does come in all shapes and sizes and colors.

what do you find beautiful? have you been able to say fuck it recently? tell me about it!

it seems northern california’s sunshine streak has officially ended. it’s raining outside! but it’s all right. i’m spending the majority of it inside at work, with friends nonetheless. i love my co-workers 🙂 before i go, i want to wish you all a spectacular valentine’s day! remember it’s not just about the love from a significant other, but also the love from friends, from family. try and take a second to see just how much you are loved today (because i bet you’re loved so much!). oh, and keep you eye out for something i rarely post about: fashion! i had a fashion related sunday and can’t wait to share!

namaste

zoe

February 12, 2011 interestingly enough…

…i never used food to punish myself in the past few days. though completely stressed this entire week, binge eating rarely occurred (maybe once, and on a very low scale). healthy eats seemed to be all i wanted. my comfort foods = carrots and hummus. funny how comfort foods change after living a new lifestyle for a year and a half.

…i’m enjoying running again. maybe because i’m running to feel alive instead of running to punish myself or simply to burn calories.

…i‘m not worried about the number on the scale, even though it’s ten numbers up from where i thought i should be. i only seem to shrug it off every time i step on it. maybe it’s time to chuck the damn piece of useless plastic, huh?

…i’ve maintained my current weight for three months. without trying. clearly my body wanted to be here all along.

…i’m kind of in love with my curves. i can’t fight my genetics anyway and this is so obviously how i am built. my 34 D boobs stayed 34 D no matter how small i got last year. an indication? yes, i think so. do i want to lose weight? no, not necessarily, but i do want to tone up. that being said, however…

…i don’t, and won’t, force the issue. i’d rather focus on being happy instead of focusing on (and obsessing over) my appearance. if i happen to lose weight along the way, cool. really though: whatthefuckever.

…plus all my clothes still fit, anyway. just differently. meaning, they actually fit instead of fall off.

…i look forward to all my work outs. i no longer see them as a chore that must be done but as an opportunity to feel alive. the feeling i get after moving my body cannot be compared to much else.

…i’m still a little anxious when i look in the mirror of put on a pair of jeans. but then i remind myself i’m healthy again, and that this is what healthy people look like. and then i feel better almost immediately.

…the negative moods i always seemed to swim in in previous months rarely strike me. and yes, i am enjoying this reemerging surge of positivity i thought i lost a long time ago.

interestingly enough, life feels a lot brighter and lighter. yes, some days i struggle but those days pop up infrequently. i am feeling stronger and more brave each day. do i still have issues i need to work on? of course. everyone does. but the difference between the me now and the me of months passed is that i am choosing positivity instead of negativity. i’m choosing to focus on the things in my life that really matter. like health and happiness. not the size of my waist, hips, thighs and stomach. that’s all just too stressful, don’t you think?

and, interestingly enough, i don’t think i can answer this question so well…

well, ten years is a long time for now. i hate looking into the future simply because i don’t know what’s going to happen. i don’t want to assume, i don’t want to say ‘i hope to be doing x, y, and z’ because i know that i’ll be changing so much in those ten years. i’ve changed so much in the four plus years i’ve been out of high school. it’s astounding.

but, i guess to give you a general impression of ‘where i want to be’, i’d say i’d want to be in a comfortable place in my life where i am truly happy. where i am doing something i love. i want to be feel supported by the people i love in my life and vice versa. i want all these superficial worries of mine to be non existent. and i want to give — my time, my love, my heart, my compassion, my energy. will all this happen? i don’t know. but i sure think it will!

hope you’re all having a wonderful saturday. me? well, i got off work about an hour ago, just ate some lunch, and am about to shred it with jillian michales before i go rock climb with some friends and drive on home for a little visit with my parents and one of my best, best, best and oldest friends (2nd grade!). enjoy the sunshine! (if you can at least…if you can’t, well, enjoy a picture of a warm beach while you cuddle up with some tea :))

what interesting things have occurred to you recently? where do you ‘want to be in ten years’?

namaste

zoe

January 31, 2011 just shut up already

yesterday started out interestingly.

saturday my family threw a 90th (!) birthday party for my grandma. it was incredibly sweet and touching. one of my aunts (my g-ma had 6 kids!) is super tech savy and put together a video of my grandmother’s life, documenting her wedding and the birth of all six of her kids. she went on to include the photos of all the grandkids, including my brother and i. some photos showcases my younger (and much, much blonder) years. then came the present day pictures. she showed photos from about a year to a year and a half ago.

and all i wanted to do was cry.

why? because in those photos, i was much, much thinner. in those photos i saw the person i left behind and the voice in my head told me i failed, that i got “fat” (though, no, that word did not cross my mind in all actuality because i don’t use that word any more!), despite the fact that, in those photos, i was running myself sick and not eating. the worst part? instead of appreciating the video and the amazing and full life of my grandma, i stole a moment to sneak away into the restaurant’s bathroom to cry. yes, i am pathetic.

i returned home in a funk, naturally, and fell asleep with it by my side. when i woke up in the morning, i felt just about the same. then i heard the little positive voice in my head speak up. it said: “zoe, you can choose positivity. choose it! focus on all the love in your life!”

so i did. i choose to see the people who loved me and all the things i am grateful for and by ten thirty in the morning, i felt great. k came over and we shuttled down to the farmer’s market in my hometown where i bought veggies galore and ran into my favorite aunt and two cousins. following our little trip we headed into san francisco to go climbing (really, is anyone surprised?) for about five hours. despite surpassing my climbing plateau (climbed more 5.10’s and had some breakthrough bouldering sessions!) and being with the boy who makes my heart sigh, i found myself confront my negative voice about two and a half hours into our climbing session.

now, this happens a lot. morning time is the easiest time for me to feel the happiest and the most optimistic. it might be because there is new, fresh energy in the morning and it dips mid-day but, regardless, i am always my happiest in the morning and my least happiest mid-afternoon or at night.

the least happiest part of the day hit me when i started looking around and started doing something awful: comparing. the voice inside my head said things like: “everyone else here has a flat stomach. no one looks like i do. everyone here is so thin. so toned. why can’t i look like that?” the feeling of embarrassment replaced the feeling of happiness and my mood took a nose-dive. all smiles and laughter disappeared and i sunk into myself, a victim again of the negative voice in my head. at one point k called me sexy, a word i am not used to hearing, saying, or believing. i scoffed a bit and he asked me a simple question: “why do you laugh when i tell you that?” a good question indeed, one that took me off guard and challenged the negativity i found myself in company with.

this feeling of self-doubt and unworthiness followed me for about forty minutes. then, something happened.

i hopped onto a route i’ve been eyeing for months. it’s on the tallest wall in the gym and it’s never free. so when a spot opened up, i tied in as quickly as possible and got to climbing. if you’re not a stranger to the negative voice, you know how hard it is to accomplish anything. it tells you you’re going to fail, you suck, you can’t do anything right — and you believe it. usually, i do, too. but yesterday, something happened.

about half-way up the route, doubt started to creep in. i thought, or rather, my negative self thought, “you can’t finish this. you’re going to fall. you’re not going to make it to the top.” two words answered the flurry of negativity: “shut up.” they came out of no where and surprised the shit out of me. something in me was obviously so tired of hearing untruths and decided to fight back. the often ignored positive voice spoke up for me without me choosing for it to do so.

how did i feel? amazing. it was thrilling, telling myself to eff off. i said it one more time (internally) and this rush of positivity flooded me. suddenly, i was telling myself “you’ve got it! you can do this! you’re so close, don’t give up! you’re strong!” and a few seconds later, i found myself at the top of the route, accomplished, sweaty, and super pumped (a term describing the feeling in your arms/forearms when you climb really intensely).

k lowered me back to the ground and the rest of the day was spent in a cloud of positivity. i stopped caring what other people looked like because they’re not me. yes, i used to be thinner, but i used to be unhealthy. i used to punish myself with exercise and deprive myself of food. now, i am healthy. now, my clothes actually fit. my period is back, my skin cleared up, my glow is apparent and i am stronger than i have ever been. i am not the number on the scale, the number on the tag of my pants, or the reflection in the mirror. i am far more important things.

i feel good today, too. i just finished a massive veggie-packed juice (is it weird that all i was craving this morning for breakfast was vegetables? my usual breakfast fare did not sound appealing at all.) and am about to hop onto my mat (which has been neglected this past week) for some solid dave farmer power vinyasa. i am craving a sweaty yoga session today! i hope you all have a wonderful start to your week! and i hope you remember just how amazing you all are — just the way you are!

do you find it difficult to stay positive? what do you do to regain your positivity? have you ever told yourself off? no? try it!

namaste

zoe

(oh, also…keep an eye out for my first ever guest post over at i came to run! let me know what you think!)

January 20, 2011 love your body. truly.

get ready for a long one. i’m feeling introspective and thoughtful.

the other day i drove home for a graduation dinner with my family. i went home early to do some laundry because, you know, i’m cheap and doing laundry for free is pretty cool and economical and stuff. plus i got to hang out with my brother for a little bit as well as my parents. (and put that treadmill to some use!) but i got something else i didn’t expect.

my mom subscribes to a lot of magazines. well, i should say my parents subscribe to a lot of magazines. my mom, however, subscribes to kind of superficial, frivolous magazines that all look eerily familiar whenever i flip through the pages. as i perused the stacks (literally) of magazines, i happened upon one i never knew i would open: ladies home journal.

i know — ladies home journal? did i suddenly need to know how to use a crock pot or desperately need to knit a scarf? normally, i might take one look at this magazine and pass too much judgement to even bother opening it (obviously, if you couldn’t tell). this time though, something compelled me to open it. i blame it on the article entitled “how to raise a girl with good body confidence”.

well shit, i thought, how the hell do you do that?

it’s not easy. and no, i wouldn’t know. but i do know that i am a daughter, one who happens to have been raised by a woman who spent ample time unknowingly shaping the way i viewed my body. i grew up in alongside a mother who loathed her appearance, who looked for opportunities to talk badly about herself, who dieted on and off, who worried about fat, food, and her body, a woman who never loved herself enough to see what i see: someone beautiful.

all the negativity, unfortunately, rubbed off on me. i was raised on insecurity. body-snarking became something of an art form for me. the reflection in the mirror never showed me the kind words friends and family members applied to me. the reflection did not reflect the intelligent, witty, friendly, compassionate, curly-haired, curvy beauty everyone else saw.

instead, i chose to let it show me what i was never enough of. i was never thin enough, never straight enough, never pretty enough. i was never enough of anything. all this self-hatred manifested itself in different ways. depression, eating disorders, feelings of unworthiness.

a few weeks ago i unearthed my old middle school journal. in its pages are the first seeds of my body conscious. i call myself fat. i call myself ugly. at age twelve. it’s funny and sad to see the same words in my present day journal. for over a decade i’ve lugged around these feelings of shame and embarrassment towards my body. for ten years. when i think of all i could have been spending my time on instead of worrying about my appearance, i cringe.

inside the article in ladies home journal, the author compares the new years resolutions of women from the 19th century to women of the 21st century. the resolutions from the 19th century focused on using the new year to become a better person, a more helpful, compassionate, patient, and learned woman. the resolutions of the women from the 21st century concerned weight and appearance.

we all know the new year brings with it a new, often times temporary, fervor for physical health. advertisements containing weight loss supplements bombard us. gyms shove membership discounts down our throats. magazine covers boast ways in which to get you “on the right track.” but whose track are we jumping on? is it really our own anyway?

the western world doesn’t seem to get it. we’re too focused on the physical aspect of health. what about mental health? what about the health of your character? do these things not matter in our society anymore? i am wondering when we started to value ourselves solely on our outsides instead of on our insides. shouldn’t the goodness of your character hold more weight than the flatness of your stomach, the shape of your ass?

all this thinking (stemmed from a single little two page article nonetheless) lead me to make an abrupt change in my life. two days ago i made a pledge to myself, a resolution if you want to call it that. i promised myself to never, ever use the word “fat” in reference to my body again. from now on, the word “fat” will forever be nonexistent in my vocabulary after years of using it. the word “fat” carries with it so much stigma. it is just a feeling, usually, a state of mind. not the actual truth.

fat is not the enemy. your body is not the enemy. because bodies are beautiful things. and all bodies are beautiful things.

this body is beautiful

and all three of these different bodies are beautiful

it’s time we judge ourselves based on the traits that matter. it’s time we stop judging ourselves period.

love the body you’re in. stop fighting it. because it’s the only one you’ve got. and you’re beautiful just to way you are.

want to take the no-to-fat pledge with me? got any other words you think should be banned from our vocabulary when referencing our appearance?

want more reading on similar topics? check these lovely ladies out:
emilie started a new project: embrace:ME
kailey dropped -er words
and this lovely woman posted an entire slew of body loving articles!

(and now i am going to lower myself off my soapbox)

namaste

zoe

January 15, 2011 up and down and back again

today the sun is shining and i am smiling. and i am thinking.

yesterday, katie, of chocolate covered katie, penned a post entitled chase away the blues. in it, she offers tips on beating seasonal depression. winter and lack of sun (and, therefore, lack of vitamin d, the “happy vitamin”) often leave people feeling less motivated and more introverted than they might be in the summer time.

the post sparked a really interesting conversation, one i am urging you to read. most people loved and agreed with katie’s suggestions. some people, however, did not believe in the power of exercise and eating well.

which got me thinking. i am most depressed when i eat poorly and skip my work outs. depriving myself of my healthy habits leads me to cave to the negative chatter of my mind and treat myself poorly. i self medicate with food and drown myself in thoughts of unworthiness. on the flip side, however, when i treat myself well by feeding myself nourishing foods and sweating at least twenty minutes of day, i feel so much more grounded and sane.

i’ve never been diagnosed with depression but i’ve certainly felt it. i do not think, in any way, that i suffer from depression but i do suffer from intense blues (as i’m sure most of you do, too) from time to time. over the summer all i felt was intensely blue. it was awful and i wasn’t treating myself right. i binged, i restricted, i compulsively exercised to the point of pain. i drove the sanity right out of my world and felt completely lost.

fast forward to now. things are not perfect, nor do i ever anticipate they will be because nothing ever is. but candace said something to me the other night that sparked another thought. while discussing with her the thoughts which, as of late, have sent me into moods i cannot shake, i told her that i was five pounds away from where i started my weight loss journey. she told me this: “so what?”

so what? it caught me off guard. so what? so i was going to be ‘fat’ again. so i am uncomfortable. so i am critical, obsessive, and miserable.

so what, she told me, then added “think of it this way: you’ve gone through all of this and you’ve ended up where you started, okay. but you’ve learned so much along the way. you know what foods you like to eat now and what foods your body likes. you know you love yoga now. think of all you’ve learned.”

think of all i’ve learned. think of all i’ve learned.

the words kind of floated in my head for a moment, mulling about the forefront of my mind. think of all i’ve learned. after a few days of contemplation, the positives replaced the negatives, and all these lessons learned became clear.

i’ve learned exercise is something to be done in order to feel good, not something to be used as punishment. i’ve learned my mat is my happy place and yoga brings me more peace then running everwill. i’ve learned a plant-based diet best suits my body and mind. i’ve learned smaller portions help keep me sustained through out the day. i’ve learned to evaluate the reason why i feel the need to binge. i’ve learned, above anything else, that self-love is the key to true happiness.

i’ve been up and i’ve been down and back again but i know there are ways to have more up days as opposed to down days. in order to keep the ratio of up days to down days uneven, i know i need to focus on a few things:

i cannot fight the shape of my body. it is curvy, not straight like my mind wants it to be. i need to accept the person i am on the outside.

i need to accept that maybe, just maybe, my body likes being at the weight it is at right now.

furthermore, i need to accept that weight is not important. if your insides shine, your outsides shine no matter what you look like.

no one cares whether you gain weight or lose weight. they like you, the person, not your appearance.

eating well and exercising bring only happiness into my life. when i slack on either of these things, i feel shitty. health brings happiness.

and for today? well, today’s a good day. maybe it’s because i spent the night with my boy or maybe it’s because i have the day off work. or maybe it’s because i went on a short run this morning and finished it off with some yoga. or maybe it’s the sun, or the fact that cooking dinner tonight is far too exciting. or maybe, just maybe, i’m one step closer to loving this person i am, inside and out.

regardless, i am counting my blessings today and thanking the universe for granting me the power to feel solid in my person today, to be happy and whole. because i always am. i just have a hard time remembering that.

namaste

zoe

January 5, 2011 confessions. but more importantly, compassion.

because i have a few.

last night, i ate a pint of tempt hemp milk “ice cream”.

the oatmeal in my bowl is a full half a cup. not 1/4 cup. or 1/3 cup.

i’ve been drinking soy milk, rice milk, and hemp milk lattes like it’s my job.

i just ate more than three servings of cashew butter.

i just ate two servings of dates.

the other night i ate m+m’s for the first time in over a year.

and then i ate a few hershey’s kisses.

i haven’t run in over a week.

my favorite pair of jeans don’t fit.

i’m not sure i feel badly about any of this.

and that, friends, is the truth.

though the m+m indulgence sent me into a mild panic in which i found myself hunched over the toilet contemplating one the worst possible forms of self-harm (it didn’t happen loves. i talked some sense into myself before it did.) and i am currently sitting here feeling slightly guilty, i am not feeling the need to supplement with exercise or with restricting or with more bingeing. i am simply being.

yes, my favorite pair of jeans no longer fit. most people might take this as a sign to reevaluate habits but i am open and honest enough now to acknowledge that i bought these pants in the middle of my year of self-loathing and bad habits. i was smaller a few months ago, yes, but i was also forcing myself to be so. i am slowly seeing that my body is happy at the weight i am at now. i am not forcing it to be here and i look healthy, truly healthy, for the first time in months.

however, i am also open and honest enough to see that that does not excuse the fact that i can down a pint of ice cream in one sitting or toss back three million handfuls of m+ms in one go. these are unhealthy habits that do not respect the body and mind. and i want to respect my body and mind. these habits stem from deep emotional issues not yet explored or, at the very least, not yet explored as intensely as they should be.

i want a lot of things this year. i want to to see myself in the positive light others see me in. i want to be happy and confidence and settled. i want to divorce myself from my bad habits of over-eating and eating for comfort. i want to banish guilt and shame from my life in regards to food forever.

but to do so, i know i need to concentrate on one thing: self-compassion. to heal completely, i must forgive myself and not scrutinize the negative aspects of my person.

in the newest issue of yoga journal (quite possibly my most favorite magazine ever), an entire article was dedicated to the subject of self-compassion. the author offers four tips to cultivate self-love and they are so wonderful, i feel the need to share.

1) LOVE.
acknowledging that you deserve health and happiness, and that you’re worth the effort it takes to make a positive change. remind yourself how the specific change you are making supports your well-being.

2) COMPASSION.
without self-judgement, recognize how the habit you are trying to change creates suffering and stress (including your habit of being hard on yourself). then acknowledge your desire to be free from this suffering.

3) JOY.
give yourself credit for, and celebrate, any positive actions you have taken to support yourself in this change. also, have gratitude for any support you have received from your family and friends.

4) EQUANIMITY
if you are feeling bad about a recent setback, remind yourself that mistakes are only human, and they’re an important part of the path of change. instead of berating yourself, focus on your larger goal to be happy, healthy, and free from suffering.

2011 will be the year i end my suffering. because i am worth it.

what are you changing for yourself this year?

because you’re worth it, too.

namaste.

zoe.

December 27, 2010 just something i noticed

so i just spent a good forty minutes flipping through some of my favorite blogs. and i kind of noticed an odd response to the blogs more focused on diet and exercise and healthy living. i noticed an uncomfortable and negative competitive mood settled in my chest. i’m afraid i allow the content of blogs to spark up some unhealthy aspects of my person. meaning, really, i just start focusing on comparisons.

in all these holiday recap posts i am seeing people’s christmas dinner meals and mentally compare it to my own. i cringe when i see the amount of food in comparison to mine. i think, “god, she only ate that much? that much?” then guilt and shame appear in equal amounts and i feel inadequate, like i lost some game i didn’t realize i was playing.

i see some of my favorite bloggers writing about ways to stay motivated for work outs during the winter or what foods they’re eating now to counteract all the rich foods of the holiday season. these are all wonderful things but the controlling person in me wakes up when i read these posts. i suddenly feel badly for eating an extra treat and not exercising because the “holidays are over” and getting “back on track” needs to happen instead. i start saying, “okay, stop enjoying now.” i’m so tired of fighting against food and my negative self. i just want to enjoy with a conscience free of any fucking guilt. i want to restore my relationship with food, my mind, and my body.

and, if i am being one hundred percent honest with myself, i’m not sure reading these blogs is incredibly beneficial to my health and well-being right now.

i need to feel strong in all parts of myself. i know who i am and i know who i can be without this negative cloud always threatening to obscure my horizon. because there have been stretches of time when i am this person. this awful voice and this awful never ending cycle with guilt and shame and this need for control is holding me back from being completely happy.

and, if i am being honest with myself, i can say that i am a competitive and comparative person. and i can say that i know reading these blogs heighted these aspects of myself and brought me into unhealthy habits. and no, it’s not anyone’s fault but my own. because that’s how i allow myself to interpret these blogs and that’s how i choose to read them. negatively.

i think i’ve come leaps and bounds this past year. the journey of these 365 days has allowed me to grow and change and settle in so many different ways . i’ve healed so many parts of myself but i think there are parts that need so much more healing. a lot of these blogs stimulate and aggravate the parts of me i am trying to mend. i’m just letting my reaction to these blogs continue to nurture my negative person.

so i think i need to take a bit of a break for a while.

i think i need to do a little more growing before i can read some of these healthy living blogs. because their healthy intentions are only spurring in me unhealthy behaviors and emotions. i’m really working on just being. i am. and i feel like i am so, so, so close. i just need to get my priorities a little bit more straight, ya dig?

i’ll still post from time to time but i don’t think it will be much about exercise. maybe more about food. lots of food. and maybe more about yoga. and maybe more about the beatles because i’m pretty sure these things are what i always intended this thing to be about. so i think, i guess, expect some changes with the new year. because i’m going to be making some in my look nook of the california coast.

and, on that note, i’m going to go breathe it out on my mat. (did i mention k got me the most LEGIT yoga mat for christmas? he’s a keeper 😉 (and i’m the biggest dork you’ve ever met. i know.)). i might take a little walk to the bank because it’s sunny today and it hasn’t been in a while. and i’m pretty sure i might treck on down to cafe gratitude later because it’s my soul food. and my soul needs some good food. mmmm.

i hope you have a spectacular monday.

namaste

zoe

beatles song of the day: here comes the sun (abbey road)
why? because i’m super cheesy. and because the sun just came out after a lot of rain and it’s beautiful outside ❤

(p.s: and for the creepiest thing of the day: my horoscope. verbatim:

A desire for approval today could cause you to base your decisions on how they will affect people’s opinions about you. Building up a stronger belief in yourself might help you make decisions because they are the right choices for you rather than because they will impress others or be in agreement with their way of thinking. You might want to take time today to affirm your self-worth and focus on your strengths today. The better you feel about yourself, the less you will worry about what others think. You can then make the decisions that are best for you.

Having a strong belief in ourselves gives us the confidence to not let the opinions of others sway us when we make decisions. While it is natural to want to have others affirm or agree with our choices, basing our choices on other people’s reactions is not always the wisest approach to take. If we can practice being self-referential, we will develop a stronger sense of self. We begin to trust our instincts more and make decisions based on what works best for us instead of on what others may think. The approval we receive from others regarding our choices becomes a nice acknowledgement of what we already know to be true. Believe in yourself and your ability to do what is right for you, and you can trust that you are making the right choices regardless of what anyone else says to you today.

ikidyoufuckingnot. )