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zoe & the beatles

just a twenty-something vegan navigating healthy, positive living with a little help from her friends john, paul, ringo & george!

Category Archives: food

how was your thanksgiving? delicious and amazing, i hope. thanksgiving never prompts me to be more thankful than i usually am but it does prompt me to deeply consider what i am thankful for. and, this year, i am thankful for so, so much.

i distinctly remember last thanksgiving. i was newly 20 and it was my first meatless holiday. it also served as the beginning to a year-long struggle. i just had no idea at the time. i woke up excited. and anxious. thanksgiving brought with it family, happiness, and food. a lot of food. the irrational voice in my head concentrated on the food. “you know you’re going to eat a lot,” it told me, “so you better get your ass on the treadmill.” so i listened. i busted out something like 3-4 miles and felt like i could let myself eat that day. still, i remember carefully watching what i spooned onto my plate and what i allowed into my mouth. let me assure you, i did not “indulge” like i had during past thanksgiving.

as the road to thanksgiving, 2010, wound to an end, i felt a bit of apprehensiveness. though i am currently in a much healthier state of body and mind, old habits and old thoughts die hard. i am still mending my mind-body connection. but i woke up to a beautifully crisp fall morning, the kind where the mountains behind the mountains outline themselves against a soft, blue sky devoid of clouds. the kind where the sun hangs high and warms the earth just enough so you smile and slip into a lighter jacket. the kind where an odd combination of hope and eagerness sprouts in the pit of your stomach and in the cavity of your chest. the day felt purposeful and charged with positive energy.

i carried that positivity through the entire day. through the process of baking a cake/pie.

and cupcakes galore.

all vegan, of course 🙂

i carried the positivity through a 4.5 mile run. which i did because i wanted to, not because i had to. and only stopped because i needed to get ready! my runs as of late have been spectacular, but more on that later.

the positivity followed me to my cousin’s house in the east bay and stayed with me until i went to sleep last night. i cannot tell you how wonderful yesterday was. and how thankful i felt all day. all day. to be alive, to be present, to be happy and healthy and

so, here’s a couple of things i am incredibly thankful and grateful for:
1) my family. always. they’re amazing and patient and understanding and i’ve never known such strong unconditional love.
2) candace. she gets a category all her own. i am not sure where i would be without my best friend.
3) my friends. they’re amazing people, all of whom love my unconditionally and accept me for who i am.
3) my body. after months of abuse it has healed itself. i feel stronger and more at peace with it than i ever have. i love you, body!
4) food. because i do not fear it like i used to and recognize it’s healing and fueling properties. and how happy it makes me!
5) yoga. yoga saved me from myself. i will forever be grateful.
6) my home. i am so lucky to have a roof over my head right now as the temperatures continue to drop into the high 20’s and low 30’s each night.
7) my kitchen. enough said 🙂
8) the fact my dad swam a mile for the first time yesterday and the fact he choose to skip dessert because he was too full. (my dad has a lot of health to get back to, you guys. these little steps almost made me cry yesterday)
9) the health of my family, friends, and myself.
10) i am thankful that i have learned humility completely. it makes it easier to laugh at yourself and be silly.

11) and, i am thankful to see all of my high school friends later. this is the first time we will all be going out together since all turning 21. wish me luck!

oh, and, of course, i am thankful for you!

what are you thankful for?

namaste

zoe

anyone else feel like their mood just drops once autumn shoves summer to the side and the sky finds itself overtaken with grey? i miss the sun. my body misses the sun. yesterday i spent the morning sipping tea and pretending the steady splash of rain outside my window was not real. on days like those it becomes all too easy for me to slip into a negative attitude and remain in my pajamas all day, completely motivation-less.

today i am trying to fight the funk. we’re currently wrestling. and i feel silly for saying so. yes, the good times come with the bad times, i know. but my “bad times” are all self-made bad times. you know the times — the ones where you crawl deep inside your head and lock everyone else out? the times you just want to lay on the floor and sigh all day? i am feeling it this week, folks. at least it’s sunny today.

and, like i said, i feel silly. i feel so childish and so wasteful. instead of embracing and enjoying the day and all its opportunities and all its potential, i choose to sink into self-consciousness. i allow my anxiety to creep up on me. you see, i’ve gained some weight. something incredibly asinine like 2 pounds. perhaps the saddest and most hilarious part? i am afraid to admit this to you guys. right now i am feeling uncomfortable in my skin. (and bloated. whoa.) from this uncomfortable feeling comes self-created judgement. i feel as if i am being judged because i am feeling insecure. admitting to you my weight issues of the moment leaves me with images of readers satisfied i effed up. and i’m just being honest here. that’s truly what is running through my mind despite knowing no one is actually doing that. talk about an insecure moment. i am dealing better with my anxiety. it does not completely ruin my days like it used to. but still.

this insecurity drives me to eat and eat mindlessly. it’s a comfort and right now i am feeling so uncomfortable and out of control (due to my diet changes. lots of reflection time has been spent on this so far). i have found that whenever i am sad or bored, i wander into a grocery store. there’s a connection, yes?

and while i am creating this misery, real tragedies are occurring. a friend’s dad just died. i saw a dead dog on the side of the road yesterday. candace’s aunt’s best friend just passed away as well. and here i am, complaining about the extra bloat i am carrying around. i feel selfish and unappreciative. so i’m going to acknowledge some things i am grateful for today:

1) the sunshine. thank you, thank you universe for giving me a day free of rain and a beautiful clear view of sonoma mountain. (it’s absolutely gorgeous today. you can see the mountains behind the mountains)
2) my legs. they just carried me on a massive head-clearing walk. and a calming hour of yoga beforehand.
3) my family. because i got to see them yesterday and some people don’t get to see their families ever.
4) my home. because it’s getting colder and at least i have a bed and a roof over my head.
5) candace. she’s amazing and giving me a good chunk of her time when i need someone to talk to.
6) for just simply being alive.

i’m trying, guys, i am. and i’m not trying to be mellow dramatic over here so i apologize if it comes off that way. i’m just trying to look on the bright side when i feel like there is no bright side.

have a lovely rest of your monday.

what are you grateful for today?

namaste

zoe

a few months ago, candace and i sold our couches to a co-worker of mine. and have yet to replace them. yeah, i guess it’s a bit odd. but we’re floor people so kickin it on the floor suits us just fine. plus, we have so much space! (to do so many activities! — quick, name that movie!)

in place of lounging on a couch, i usually just roll out my yoga mat and stack up a few pillows to lay back on. works like a charm. only, i’ve noticed i roll out my yoga mat for things outside of yoga…

like eating. lots and lots of eating.

please ignore the chipped nail polish. focus on the food instead 🙂 because it was delicious. in the bowl: shredded, massaged kale mixed with a millet recipe (coming to you soon!). on the side: spicy hummus with a piece of flax toast!


why yes, i did rock shorts with long socks. and purple vans. what can i say? i’m obviously just too cool for school 😉 in the bowl: (vegan friends advert your eyes!) cottage cheese mixed with pinto beans and salsa. on the plate: another massage kale salad and a slice of flax toast! used it to scoop up the yumminess in the bowl.


i love condiments. a lot. especially when they make my mouth burn so good! i the bowl: the last of my kale (seriously, i have an addiction.). in the other bowl: broiled cauliflower (because i was way, way too lazy and impatient to wait the 20 minutes it takes to bake it) and on the plate: a two egg, vegan cheese quesadilla. smothered in hot sauce…per request for this hot ‘baby 😉

oh. and tonight’s dinner:

in the bowl: massage spinach salad with baby tomatoes. on the plate: the most delicious stuff ever.

really.

it’s all gone. i am sad.

and can you imagine i almost didn’t end up with this in my happy little belly tonight? you see, i attempted at another dinner. nothing sounded good. i’m feeling so lazy. so i decided to just be creative instead of going to buy food. only i failed at my first attempt at dinner. epically. seriously, it was awful. instead of getting down on myself (like i usually would) i shook it off and started at square one. lately, i’ve been feeling on some seriously crunchy food paired with something smooth, creamy. as i stared endlessly into my fridge (really. i spent a good five minutes sitting on the ground in front of my fridge, just staring at all my options. yes, i wasted energy. my bad.) and then a light bulb flickered on! and i jumped into action.

the spinach was a no brainer. i’ve wanted veggies like a mad woman lately (blame my over active sweet tooth from last week ;)). so i massaged it a la heather and plopped on some tomatoes. simple.

then i stared at the butt of a butternut squash. and stared at it some more. then, epiphany.

butternut squash hummus
adapted from the lovely angela
what you need
the butt of a baked butternut squash (honestly, i have no idea how much this was. uh…let’s call it 1.5 cups…)
1/2 C chick peas
1 T olive oil
1 T nutritional yeast (or more! i love this stuff!)
juice of one lemon
salt (i used pink himalayan sea salt :))

one tortilla of your choice (i used rudy’s organic spelt tortillas)

blend all ingredients together in blender or food processor. broil the tortilla strips for about one minute on each side. then get yo dip on, fool!

seriously, this was delicious. and spot on for dinner tonight.

now, other things have happened on the mat. like naps. and movie watching. and yoga. most importantly yoga. yesterday i completed a lovely, sweaty hour long vinyasa flow. and i mean sweaty.

i know, i’m adorable. i almost can’t stand it, either 😉

and as for today, following a wonderful 4 mile run i stretched it out on my mat for 60 minutes. ah, gentle hatha flows, you soothe my soul. anyway, it’s friday night. i’m about to go hit up the rock wall (i think my lack of movement due to sickness and lack of motivation has finally caught up with me! all i want to do is move. i’m happy about it 🙂 i like trusting in my body and its ability to even out!) for a little sesh before i do some 21-year-old appropriate activities.

have a great friday night, loves, and stay tuned for that millet recipe and a pumpkin/carob bread/cake recipe. still fine tuning but round one didn’t last through the night (i have hungry, hungry friends).

namaste!

zoe

oh, i started the past two posts with ‘oh?’

oh. my b.

anyway…

yay wednesday. no lies: i skipped class. again. why yes, i am on track to winning ‘worst student of the semester’ award, thank you very much. sometimes i feel guilty for skipping class. but that’s a whole other conversation i don’t feel like diving into right now. i want to talk about today. and the past week.

today kind of rocked a little bit. easy, slow early morning consisting of a new hour long yoga session (thanks yoga today!). my four hour shift at work flew by. i ate eggs. in place of class i rock climbed (do your best to withhold judgement). and i enjoyed good company all day. dinner consisted of delicious indian. i even had frozen yogurt (graham cracker. oh yes. it was that good). but that’s not what i want to talk about.

i want to talk about this: i’m starting to feel some what normal again. normal for me includes a steady happiness and the ability to be settled and content with my surroundings, with my being. i am starting to behave a little like the wonderful people i know. last night i drank some beer and ate at a time usually designated “off limits” for the consumption of food. despite waking up a bit full i still managed to stay wildly happy all day. at work earlier i drank a drink with a few pumps of our syrup. and i smiled while doing it. but, truth be told, i’m uncomfortable. the normalcy of it all makes me feel uncomfortable simply because i’m gettingtoo comfortable. i know: “zoe, seriously, wtf?”. getting to the point, loves.

let me preface by saying this: sometimes, understanding how the mind of a person who is obsessive and controlling of food can be difficult. let me explain it to you the best way i know how: through the use of a metaphor. involving yoga. specifically involving half moon.

right now i feel like i am balancing precariously. my standing leg shakes. my core works hard to maintain its connection, my spine its integrity. the quiet of my mind fights the negative chatter attempting to thwart my attempts at finding peace in an otherwise challenging pose. sometimes, i drop my leg. in these moments i fight the urge to say “fuck it” and abandon all hope while rolling back into child’s pose. sometimes i don’t fight. but most times, i do. i breathe deep, concentrate and move slowly back into the movement. balancing ain’t easy.

over the past two weeks the rigidness i toted around like a dead fucking weight for nearly a year feels like it’s (finally) starting to melt away (i think this translates into my schooling situation. i’ll explain this in another post, i’m thinking.). i’m slipping back into the person i used to be. by “breaking” my old “rules” i am allowing myself the freedom to eat and not worry about what each little morsel will do to my body. and by eat i mean eat. like, a lot. because we’re in an honesty zone over here i’m just going to say it: i’m just not sure how i feel about it.

i feel like a little kid testing the boundaries again: “can i do this and still be x, y, and z?” i am allowing myself a treat every now and then. however, i find that i am so happy to be tasting the food i forced myself to forget about, i over consume. though i am dealing much better, some times on these nights good old guilt comes knocking on my conscious’ door with the same old salesman’s grin and the same old story. and i listen. i buy it all. i allow the negative chatter in and lose the connection to myself. i topple out of my carefully constructed half-moon. again, balancing here. it takes work.

especially when you feel like you’re starting all over from scratch. i am relearning how to treat myself nicely. i am relearning how to feed myself correctly. i am relearning the definition of love, balance, and happiness. i’m relearning normal.

eating a lot feels scary. loosening my control feels scary. giving up rules and rituals feels scary. why? easy answer: i don’t know what’s going to happen. to my body, to my anxiety, to my balance, to anything. i am still too attached to my negative ideas.

but i’m trying. i’m forcing myself to not beat myself up for eating too many of one thing. i scheduled another appointment with my counselor. i’m seriously looking into nutritionists. i am finally going to my family for help. it feels good. so i know i’m doing something right.

like one little miss potato said: don’t be afraid.

well loves, i’m trying.

namaste

zoe

well, i did it. i took the plunge. i marched myself over to my local grocery store and did what i swore i would never again do: i bought eggs. and cottage cheese. AND yogurt. and i did it all happily and with ease.

my loot.

and then i sat down to my first non-vegan meal in months. MONTHS. and it was glorious. egg craving, satisfied.

how did my stomach react? fine, thanks. no issues. no issues later either when i ate some cottage cheese (mixed with a little bit of pumpkin butter and pumpkin seeds. so good. so satisfying. so what i wanted.)

but, i have to laugh a little at the timing of this all. does anyone else find it ironic i chose november first to deveganize? november first marks the beginning of vegan mofo. phft, go figure. i just would. and i’m not going to lie to you…part of me feels a little sad being left out of all the vegan fun. but sometimes you have to prioritize. and my health comes before vegan mofo, i’m a-thinkin’.

you may be wondering how i will continue to eat. i will eat a mostly vegan diet. i will just supplement with the things i want. like eggs, cottage cheese, and yogurt. i still plan on baking vegan and avoiding sugar and chocolate. just because i will be eating these foods does not mean i will suddenly eat things containing milk (like candy). in fact, i’m going to avoid milk as much as possible outside of yogurt and cottage cheese. so we’ll see how it goes. one day at a time.

in other words, i tried a new product today! rudi’s organic spelt tortillas!

neato company. awesome wraps. seriously, it was so delicious! so fluffy and soft and perfect for my eggs wrap! yummers. (yes, i did in fact just say ‘yummers’. blame it on the dairy.)

sigh. what a good day compared to yesterday. without my insistence on seeing each day as a new day and not a continuation of the previous day i am not sure how bright the sun would of been today. it was beautiful today, you guys. clear sky, bright sun, warm temperatures. i focused on health today and forgot the craziness of yesterday. and everything just felt good. plus i talked to the nutritionist. i am so motivated! and i told my mom just about everything i’ve been going through this past year. it was such a weight off of my shoulders.

oh, and did i mention my boys won?

can i get a HELL YES!?!

namaste

zoe

hello loves, happy thursday! hope all is well. unfortunately i feel like i am on the verge of a cold! i’ve been slamming my body with fluids and skipped my early class this morning to sleep. i also made sure my dinner was spicy in all ways it could be. hopefully i’ll sleep it off tonight but i open tomorrow (3:30 wake up call) so i’m not sure how restful my sleep will be.

but enough whining! i’ll live 🙂 besides the yummy dinner and excellent party, i received some gifts for my birthday. i am not a big gift person and usually tell people to not get me anything. homemade gifts i am always down with, however. something about people spending money on me makes me uncomfortable. however, my family still loves to give them and of course i accept them. and this year i got some really cool gifts!

like this from my brother

look familiar?

bento box! my brother and i were in whole foods a few weeks ago and stumbled across these. i mentioned off handedly how much i wanted one because of all the individual tupperwares i use on a daily basis as well as the plastic bags i use to carry said tupperwares in. apparently someone was listening because he went back and bought it! sweet broha i’ve got, hm?

and someone else was listening, too! a few weeks ago i went to cafe gratitude for dessert with my mom (yes, i have an addiction. counseling may or may not be sought.) and mentioned, again offhandedly, how much i loved their plates! well, guess what i got?


two bowls and four plates! (two of each color). my mom told me she remembered how much i loved them and how it was one of the first things i mentioned after eating there for the first time. sometimes i forget people actually pay attention to the offhanded, sometimes absentminded things i say! this time it came in handy 🙂

but perhaps the best presents i did not yet receive. my parents told me to pick out a kick ass digital camera. because i am going to spain!!!!!!!!!! i am not sure when but i know within the next year, i am going to visit one of my best friends! i’m so excited! i’ve never been anywhere out of the country besides south africa. i love new adventures 🙂

and because i feel so loved and so grateful for all the gifts i got, i have gifts to give you! in the form of two recipes!

tofu with eggplant & zucchini
what you need
1/2 block of firm or extra firm tofu
1/2 c of eggplant (okay, truth be told, i didn’t measure out anything hah! so this is just an estimated guess!)
1/2 c zucchini

for the marinade/sauce
1/4 C hot water
1/4 cup bragg’s liquid aminos (or tamari or soy sauce or whatever!)
1 T apple cider vinegar
1 T tomato paste
1 T agave
1 T + 2 t hot chile sauce
1 T sesame seed oil

what you need to do
press and drain all water out of tofu. cut up into whatever size you like. stick in a tupperware and allow to marinate for a few hours (i did this before class and let it chill for a good five hours or so!). when ready to cook, grease a wok or a pan and, once hot (medium-high), use tongs to place the tofu in the wok/pan. reserve the remaining marinade/sauce. allow to cook for a good ten minutes or so (depending on how chewy/crispy you want it!). once browned to your liking on both sides, add some of the marinade to braise it. then add the vegetables and allow to cook for about five minutes before adding the remaining sauce. continue to cook.

i covered mine like this for a few minutes, too, just to steam it some and cook it faster (because i was starving)

once done, plate and enjoy! this was super good and really flavorful!

next up, a bit of a sweeter treat!

butternut squash muffins!
what you need
1 C baked butternut squash
1/3 C coconut oil
1/2 C unsweetened almond milk
1/4 cup blackstrap molasses
1 cup + 1/4 cup spelt flour
1 t baking powder
1 t baking soda
1/2 t cinnamon
1/4 t cloves
1/4 t salt
dash of ginger
dash of nutmeg

what you need to do
preheat your oven to 375
mix all dry ingredients together. mix all wet ingredients together. because heated coconut oil will solidify upon being mixed together with the almond milk, i heated the bowl (my mixing bowls are aluminum) over a pot with simmering water to remelt the coconut oil. worked like a charm 🙂

mix the dry into the wet slowly and combine until smooth. grease or line a muffin tin and bake for 12 minutes or until done. allow to sit in pan for a few minutes before transferring to a cooling rack.

so these were so dense and delicious and muffin-y that i ate them all before i remembered to take a picture. phffft, figures. but i can tell you these are very filling and are an excellent breakfast or snack!

one last gift: a review! of these delicious cookies!

a few months ago a friend of mine told me about these cookies from a company called late july. late july does not use artificial ingredients or preservatives and these are vegan! i bought them and i have to say, these truly are decadent! they’re so delicious and so much better than oreos! unfortunately for me these are all gone. i had a bit of a moderation issue a few nights ago. oops! sometimes i cannot be trust around a box of chocolate decadence 😉

anyway, it’s getting to be my bed time (how ridiculous) so i’ve got to go. i’ve got some yoga and light reading to do before i sleep! have a wonderful night, kidlettes!

namaste

zoe

i’m alive! barely 😉

i just woke up. it’s almost one. someone needed some sleep! let me recap for you, shall i?

on friday morning i woke up to an empty house (candace has class from 8 am to 11:40) and did so slowly and leisurely. low hanging, deep grey clouds threatened to spill rain at any second. i don’t remember the only other year it rained on my birthday — i was three. so already the day felt a bit different, a bit sleepy. the first thing i did after brushing my teeth was turn on the beatles ‘happy birthday’ and jumped around my living room. then i made breakfast. a birthday breakfast, of course!


angela’s spelt pancakes topped with almond butter and bananas. and my very first homemade chai tea latte! (chai tea bag topped with steamed almond milk). i followed my favorite hippie’s strategy and used our immersion blender to get my almond milk all frothy and delicious. it was awesome!

thanks for making my birthday breakfast special, angela and elise :)!

honestly, i spent the rest of the day just kind of lounging around the house. i really enjoyed relaxing and taking the day slowly. around three thirty candace and i left for dinner. my parents, brother, candace, and i went to millenium, a vegan restaurant in san francisco. i forgot to take pictures of the food but just know i got my dad, a passionate meat and potatoes kind of foodie, to admit it was delicious. and that he would go back. enough said.

and i got to have my first legal drink! cheers!

and see my family

and blow out birthday cake candles

twice.

(note my friend ryan’s expression. he’s the guy on the left. kind of hilarious.)

oh yes my friends, the birthday party was a dress up party. this happened.

and eventually this happened

oh my. alcohol, you’re hilarious. truth me told i remember every moment of my 21st birthday night. i did not drink much (i don’t have to to get drunk! leightweiiiiight!) and truthfully didn’t really want to. i’m not a big fan of alcohol. especially the next day when i woke up with a late night birthday cake and too much beer belly. yesterday i barely ate a thing. i hate that alcohol takes away a day! but it was worth it. oh was it ever 🙂

and on top of everything, i went to a sports bar with my cousin yesterday to watch the giants game. i felt like (and most likely was) the youngest person in there. i lost an earring. one of my favorites. i felt puffy and tired and slightly nauseated. but you know what made all that go away (besides a beer? or two?) THE GIANTS ARE GOING TO THE WORLD SERIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

best.birthday.present.EVER. ever ever ever! the last time we were in the world series i was in the 8th grade. and we only needed one more game to win. we were ahead something like two games. and we LOST. heartbreaking. fingers crossed for a redemption!

anywho, it’s still raining and i’m still in bed. i think i need to motivate my butt to get up. we’ll see if i can 🙂

have a good sunday, loves!

namaste

zoe

it’s my birthday too, yeah! happy birthday to you!

well guys, i made it. i officially arrive at my 21st year. i’m not going to lie. i’m pretty damn stoked. what does a birthday girl do in the last few minutes of the year 20? finish up her birthday cake, of course.


her RAW, VEGAN, PUMPKIN CAKE WITH CREAM CHEESE ICING.

fitting for the season, no? and my taste buds. oh boy. do i ever love me some pumpkin. i trimmed the edges of the cake for two equal sized layers and lemme tell you, late night snacking has never been more delicious. i wish the recipe was mine but alas, it is not. it’s cafe gratitudes. what? did you expect something different ;)? just trust me when i tell you this is better than any cream cheese frosting i’ve ever had. and it might just win the award for best pumpkin related dessert i’ve ever had the good fortune of eating. it’s going to be a sweet birthday 🙂

i have a long drunken weekend ahead of me. i don’t party much but i think this weekend i will make an exception to my rule. just maybe 😉 i’ll give you the deets on sunday. (i’m sorry i just said deets.)

do you have any special weekend plans? regardless, i hope you have a great weekend!

but for now, i’ve got to go. i’ve got some dishes to attend to…

namaste!

the newly 21 zoe!

not related to fergalicious. not at all.

quick saturday night question for you all: what on earth do you snack on?

my appetite varies daily. some days i eat none stop. other days i feel hungry only for breakfast and struggle to rediscover my appetite for the remainder of the day. it frustrates me but hey, i’m learning to just go with whatever my body feels like. and i’m learning some days it just simply does not feel like eating much.

on these days, when i am not in the mood to eat a decent sized meal, i tend to eat small snacks. but i am learning something else, too. i am learning i suck at snacks. i tend to not keep snacky foods around — rarely will you find crackers or cookies or bars or nuts. the main reason? they never fill me up! i much prefer something a bit more substantial. although i like the taste of larabars and chips and cookies, they never leave me satisfied.

usually i eat carrots. a lot of carrots. and a lot of hummus. like…a lot. i like bananas and apples (though limit my intake because the acidity in apples hurts my stomach and they usually leave me feeling almost too full and bloated. which sucks because i love apples.) and other fresh fruits. and sometimes toast, usually with nut butters. and, to be perfectly honest, i don’t have much else. and sometimes, all i want to do is get snacky. and i find it kind of impossibly to get my snack on when i am lacking in snacks. which leads me to over consume said food listed above! (which i am all for but my stomach is not).

also, i think i need to tone down my carrot, hummus, and nut butter intake. i go through hummus far too quickly for my liking and i’m realizing the massive amounts of carrots (example: last weekend when i went climbing, i bought and brought a 5 pound carrot bag. fast forward a week later and it’s almost gone.) leave my stomach a bit full and therefore leave me, ahem, constipated (there, i said it!). as much as i love carrots, i think eating more than a half-cup serving a day is not too good for my poor little tummy. fiber absorbs water as well so i know all the liquid i take in is not aiding my digestion like it should! a costco sized hummus (17 oz) should not be done in a few days. ditto with almond butter (not as bad as hummus haha!)

and so i come to you, my dear readers, for snack advice. what’s a girl to do, or eat, rather, when feeling snacky? tell me some of your favorite snacks! (vegan or not!)

i need to reach outside of my food comfort zone. sometimes i think i fall into a food routine because i know it will a) fill me up and b) do so in a low calorie manor. now, i am most definitely starting to eat enough and eat according to what i am craving but i sometimes pull out the old “eat a salad” deal when anxious. yes, i am not perfect or cured or whatever you want to call it but (and that’s a big but kidlettes) i am striving to be healthy and happy and recognize where i need to put more of an effort. most days i am! but some days i over think it. like today. but no worries! because tomorrow is a new day and i know i won’t change over night. i think i like thinking rationally 🙂

namaste

zoe

confidence can be a tricky thing. one day it drives everything you seem to do. another day it plays an endless game of hide and seek. what disrupts the constant stream of confidence, though? do you get caught up in your appearance? do you doubt your self-worth? do you, for whatever reason, believe confidence to be an entirely unobtainable thing? well, i would like to tell you you’re wrong. completely wrong. confidence comes from within. you control your confidence. not the other way around!

and with confidence comes the ability to love yourself and everything you do. it brings about a feeling of overwhelming comfort. and, even today when i woke up with a bit less confidence, i forced myself into happiness. i forced myself into confidence. the more you fake it, the closer you get to making it, right? i’m going to pretend i just heard you say ‘right’ :).

anyway, the point i am trying to make here is this: confidence should never be elusive. once you see the greatest that is you, everyone else will, too. treat yourself with respect and everyone else will, too. since embracing my own confidence a lot has happened. i feel lighter in body, mind, and soul. i smile a lot. i laugh a lot more. and some interesting things have happened, particularly on the people front. okay, particularly on the boy front.

i never, ever, ever, ever carried myself around with much confidence. i much preferred wallowing in the negative. i saw no positive in the positive. i was basically a professional at personal putdowns. i was always fat, always ugly, always dumb. i was never good enough for anyone, not even myself. and you know what? people noticed. i let people walk all over me. boys never noticed me because i never let them. i always hid the person i was because i knew no one would like me. aside from being incredibly lame and really, really foolish, it always paved the way for a perpetual single existence.

but now i walk a different walk, talk a different talk. my confidence shows. remember the date i alluded to? well yes, it was a date after all. and though i am not interested (i am currently smitten with another) i am incredibly flattered. i’ve noticed a lot of boys talk to me now. i made a cashier at starbucks blush the other day. yeah, i felt pretty cool 🙂 the attention is such a new feeling! i’m really not used to it. and i kind of have to admit…i like it. and i am not using it to validate my self-worth, either. because i already know and value myself. do you know yours?

regardless, i am digging this new feeling of confidence. in addition to embracing my temptress, it has lead me to attempt things i previously thought i could not do. like this…

MY VERY FIRST HEADSTAND!!!!!!!!

and yes, i do yoga in my jammies. well, actually, only on that day. i usually get on my mat sans clothes 😉

ANYWAY…i’ve been working on headstand for a second and a half now. and when i got into that position i cannot tell you the feeling of accomplishment that welled inside my chest. i yelled for candace to come and look. which she graciously did. and she also took the picture. that’s what best friends are for 🙂 i feel like i need to tuck my tailbone under a bit more but hey, i stayed up until i felt like coming down. that’s saying something! my core is getting so strong!

after yoga i enjoyed a hempmilk chai. in my new cup!

these mugs were on sale at work and the beatles fan in me could not resist.

and look at the little nemo fishes on the inside rim! so cute!

know what else i couldn’t resist?

dessert from cafe gratitude! this would be the turtle “cheese”cake. honestly, i cannot believe these are raw and vegan. i bought this on the “date”. after i already ate dessert. i really wanted a slice so i got one! ate it the next day though. and i got half way through this sentence: “would you judge me if i ordered another slice of cake” before stopping at saying, “wait, i don’t give a fuck what you think. i’m getting that.” it was a great feeling 🙂


so. good. i want some right now, actually. really badly! the other day i also made chocolate chip cookies and chocolate chip blondies out of the babycakes cook book. both vanished in a night. my friends kind of loved them. and so did i. i ate as much as i wanted, guilt free, went to bed satisfied and woke up happy as a calm. i am finally getting this mind body connection. and the lack of guilt associated with my eats is an amazing feeling.

so kidlettes, what have you learned through out this horribly written, rambling post? that you’re awesome and should love the awesomeness that is you? that confidence is something you should always have? that cafe gratitude is amazing? and so are headstands and little mugs from starbucks? regardless, i just really hope you find the confidence i know is in you. just free it.

namaste!

zoe!