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zoe & the beatles

just a twenty-something vegan navigating healthy, positive living with a little help from her friends john, paul, ringo & george!

Category Archives: climbing

a few months ago, candace and i sold our couches to a co-worker of mine. and have yet to replace them. yeah, i guess it’s a bit odd. but we’re floor people so kickin it on the floor suits us just fine. plus, we have so much space! (to do so many activities! — quick, name that movie!)

in place of lounging on a couch, i usually just roll out my yoga mat and stack up a few pillows to lay back on. works like a charm. only, i’ve noticed i roll out my yoga mat for things outside of yoga…

like eating. lots and lots of eating.

please ignore the chipped nail polish. focus on the food instead 🙂 because it was delicious. in the bowl: shredded, massaged kale mixed with a millet recipe (coming to you soon!). on the side: spicy hummus with a piece of flax toast!


why yes, i did rock shorts with long socks. and purple vans. what can i say? i’m obviously just too cool for school 😉 in the bowl: (vegan friends advert your eyes!) cottage cheese mixed with pinto beans and salsa. on the plate: another massage kale salad and a slice of flax toast! used it to scoop up the yumminess in the bowl.


i love condiments. a lot. especially when they make my mouth burn so good! i the bowl: the last of my kale (seriously, i have an addiction.). in the other bowl: broiled cauliflower (because i was way, way too lazy and impatient to wait the 20 minutes it takes to bake it) and on the plate: a two egg, vegan cheese quesadilla. smothered in hot sauce…per request for this hot ‘baby 😉

oh. and tonight’s dinner:

in the bowl: massage spinach salad with baby tomatoes. on the plate: the most delicious stuff ever.

really.

it’s all gone. i am sad.

and can you imagine i almost didn’t end up with this in my happy little belly tonight? you see, i attempted at another dinner. nothing sounded good. i’m feeling so lazy. so i decided to just be creative instead of going to buy food. only i failed at my first attempt at dinner. epically. seriously, it was awful. instead of getting down on myself (like i usually would) i shook it off and started at square one. lately, i’ve been feeling on some seriously crunchy food paired with something smooth, creamy. as i stared endlessly into my fridge (really. i spent a good five minutes sitting on the ground in front of my fridge, just staring at all my options. yes, i wasted energy. my bad.) and then a light bulb flickered on! and i jumped into action.

the spinach was a no brainer. i’ve wanted veggies like a mad woman lately (blame my over active sweet tooth from last week ;)). so i massaged it a la heather and plopped on some tomatoes. simple.

then i stared at the butt of a butternut squash. and stared at it some more. then, epiphany.

butternut squash hummus
adapted from the lovely angela
what you need
the butt of a baked butternut squash (honestly, i have no idea how much this was. uh…let’s call it 1.5 cups…)
1/2 C chick peas
1 T olive oil
1 T nutritional yeast (or more! i love this stuff!)
juice of one lemon
salt (i used pink himalayan sea salt :))

one tortilla of your choice (i used rudy’s organic spelt tortillas)

blend all ingredients together in blender or food processor. broil the tortilla strips for about one minute on each side. then get yo dip on, fool!

seriously, this was delicious. and spot on for dinner tonight.

now, other things have happened on the mat. like naps. and movie watching. and yoga. most importantly yoga. yesterday i completed a lovely, sweaty hour long vinyasa flow. and i mean sweaty.

i know, i’m adorable. i almost can’t stand it, either 😉

and as for today, following a wonderful 4 mile run i stretched it out on my mat for 60 minutes. ah, gentle hatha flows, you soothe my soul. anyway, it’s friday night. i’m about to go hit up the rock wall (i think my lack of movement due to sickness and lack of motivation has finally caught up with me! all i want to do is move. i’m happy about it 🙂 i like trusting in my body and its ability to even out!) for a little sesh before i do some 21-year-old appropriate activities.

have a great friday night, loves, and stay tuned for that millet recipe and a pumpkin/carob bread/cake recipe. still fine tuning but round one didn’t last through the night (i have hungry, hungry friends).

namaste!

zoe

oh, i started the past two posts with ‘oh?’

oh. my b.

anyway…

yay wednesday. no lies: i skipped class. again. why yes, i am on track to winning ‘worst student of the semester’ award, thank you very much. sometimes i feel guilty for skipping class. but that’s a whole other conversation i don’t feel like diving into right now. i want to talk about today. and the past week.

today kind of rocked a little bit. easy, slow early morning consisting of a new hour long yoga session (thanks yoga today!). my four hour shift at work flew by. i ate eggs. in place of class i rock climbed (do your best to withhold judgement). and i enjoyed good company all day. dinner consisted of delicious indian. i even had frozen yogurt (graham cracker. oh yes. it was that good). but that’s not what i want to talk about.

i want to talk about this: i’m starting to feel some what normal again. normal for me includes a steady happiness and the ability to be settled and content with my surroundings, with my being. i am starting to behave a little like the wonderful people i know. last night i drank some beer and ate at a time usually designated “off limits” for the consumption of food. despite waking up a bit full i still managed to stay wildly happy all day. at work earlier i drank a drink with a few pumps of our syrup. and i smiled while doing it. but, truth be told, i’m uncomfortable. the normalcy of it all makes me feel uncomfortable simply because i’m gettingtoo comfortable. i know: “zoe, seriously, wtf?”. getting to the point, loves.

let me preface by saying this: sometimes, understanding how the mind of a person who is obsessive and controlling of food can be difficult. let me explain it to you the best way i know how: through the use of a metaphor. involving yoga. specifically involving half moon.

right now i feel like i am balancing precariously. my standing leg shakes. my core works hard to maintain its connection, my spine its integrity. the quiet of my mind fights the negative chatter attempting to thwart my attempts at finding peace in an otherwise challenging pose. sometimes, i drop my leg. in these moments i fight the urge to say “fuck it” and abandon all hope while rolling back into child’s pose. sometimes i don’t fight. but most times, i do. i breathe deep, concentrate and move slowly back into the movement. balancing ain’t easy.

over the past two weeks the rigidness i toted around like a dead fucking weight for nearly a year feels like it’s (finally) starting to melt away (i think this translates into my schooling situation. i’ll explain this in another post, i’m thinking.). i’m slipping back into the person i used to be. by “breaking” my old “rules” i am allowing myself the freedom to eat and not worry about what each little morsel will do to my body. and by eat i mean eat. like, a lot. because we’re in an honesty zone over here i’m just going to say it: i’m just not sure how i feel about it.

i feel like a little kid testing the boundaries again: “can i do this and still be x, y, and z?” i am allowing myself a treat every now and then. however, i find that i am so happy to be tasting the food i forced myself to forget about, i over consume. though i am dealing much better, some times on these nights good old guilt comes knocking on my conscious’ door with the same old salesman’s grin and the same old story. and i listen. i buy it all. i allow the negative chatter in and lose the connection to myself. i topple out of my carefully constructed half-moon. again, balancing here. it takes work.

especially when you feel like you’re starting all over from scratch. i am relearning how to treat myself nicely. i am relearning how to feed myself correctly. i am relearning the definition of love, balance, and happiness. i’m relearning normal.

eating a lot feels scary. loosening my control feels scary. giving up rules and rituals feels scary. why? easy answer: i don’t know what’s going to happen. to my body, to my anxiety, to my balance, to anything. i am still too attached to my negative ideas.

but i’m trying. i’m forcing myself to not beat myself up for eating too many of one thing. i scheduled another appointment with my counselor. i’m seriously looking into nutritionists. i am finally going to my family for help. it feels good. so i know i’m doing something right.

like one little miss potato said: don’t be afraid.

well loves, i’m trying.

namaste

zoe

hello and happy monday afternoon, hope you are all well 🙂

it’s an absolutely gorgeous day today. october truly is my most favorite month of the year. northern california in the early moments of autumn catches me off guard each year. right now leaves still cling to tree branches, though their green hues have visibly faded some. sidewalks and lawns now bear the beginning onslaught of what the remainder of fall will bring. personally, i love crunching all the discarded leaves. it feels like a summer kissed fall. i am happy.

but onto saturday. because saturday made me all kinds of in your chest, in your fingers, in yours toes kind of happy. why? well, lots of reasons. but mainly, yesterday i lived in the moment one hundred percent. for the first time. ever. i am not one to worry about the past (it will not change, after all. i used to stress about the past but have since given up the habit) but i am one to concern myself with the future, both long term and immediate. i am a planner. i am a routine maker. if a path is not carved, i tend to lose my way a bit. and so this takes away from living in the moment and appreciating what is in front of me, not what is to come.

i’ve spoken about expectations before. whenever i build up these towers of expectation, something or someone knocks them down easily, like a child might kick over a pile of wooden blocks. so what i thought to be a solid structure merely dissolves right before me. expectations let me down. the idea of the activity never quite matches what actually happens. when does it ever, though? combine my bad habit of forming expectations and not living in the moment and you’ll get an equation for unhappiness.

acknowledging these traits of mine has helped me to remedy them. yesterday was a great example of this practice. yesterday i went rock climbing with four friends outside for the first time (i bought a harness (!!!!) on friday). i knew the outing would be fun but i did not allow myself to see past that idea. i woke up at 4:15 (yes, in the am), was picked up at 5, met up with everyone else at 5 and we took off around 5:30 after (much needed) cups of coffee. we squished into my friend’s little car. we put on the “so you’re going to climb some rocks?” playlist i created (a good 80 songs) and we took off.

the drive took only two hours but we ended up in the breathtaking santa cruz mountains. i’m not sure we could of asked for a more picture perfect day.

we got there around 9 (we pit stopped for breakfast and pee breaks!) and immediately set up the top rope on a ridiculously difficult climb. but first, yoga!

because how do you pass up the chance to do yoga on top of a gorgeous rock? you don’t, really.

i love doing yoga in nature. i think the two go hand in hand. whenever i get the opportunity to do it, i always do!

there was also a neat cave water carved into the rock a long time ago. where ever there is a cave, there will be graffiti. always. and sometimes you find some cool graffiti.

and then we got to climbing! climbing with five people takes patience, because only one person can go up at a time. it’s a great experience though to watch how far a person gets. it doesn’t really matter whether you’re climbing or not because you’re still actively participating. we were all really great support systems. especially when i got stuck!

pretty high up in the air. i thiiink this was an 80 foot rock? anyway, i swung out after deciding i couldn’t go any farther and the ropes got tangled. good thing i’m not afraid of heights because it was pretty far up.

the other rock we scaled was much more vertical and contained way, way less holds (places to put your feet and hands). but i did it anyway! and loved every second of it. especially when i topped out! enjoyed an excellent view of the skyline preparing for sunset.

something i noticed: rock climbing and yoga have a lot in common. both require a lot of strength and concentration. both rely on steady breathing. both are non judgmental and (for the most part) non-competitive (rock climbing has competitions but when you’re climbing with friends there’s not pressure!). i think it’s why i love it so much. it’s fun to see how your body changes and adapts as your body becomes accustomed to new positions.

the best part of saturday? seeing the sun rise and the sun set. not something you see every day, you know?

anyway, that’s all i’ve got for you right now. i’ve got a ton to do (hello procrastination, my best best friend) and basically no time to do it all in. this week is going to be rough. just gotta remember to keep breathing!

have a great monday kidlettes!

namaste

zoe

helloooo kidlettes, how are all of you this evening? well, i hope!

i myself am doing pretty swell and for a number or reasons. let me share.

a) it’s thursday. classes are duuuunzo for the week. score one!
b) i’m eating a really delicious salad right now. it’s chalk full of all kiiiiinds of goodness. think lots of vegetables. lots. i went a little crazy at the salad bar at my local market…
c) both my story critiques surpassed my expectations today. i had to read one aloud too because i forgot to turn it in on tuesday! nerve.racking. but for the first time, i’m actually believing in my writing. i feel so connected to these stories i create and i feel like i am challenging myself as a writer.
d) my eats as of late have been so wonderfully amazing. like my lunch the other day…

baked eggplant, heirloom tomato, basil napoleon

tasty, tasty lunch. and all farmer’s market materials! and oh, my friends, the list of tasty food keep unraveling. i’ve mentioned cafe gratitude cakes a million times. but i am usually sans camera whenever i stop in for a slice. you’re in luck though! i brought a slice home the other day. a german chocolate slice. (raw AND vegan) side shot!

vertical shot!

what the box looked like shot!

(it’s called “i am rapture” cake. all the items on their menu are affirmations.)

e) i went climbing again. and it rocked. i’m falling in love with it, i think. it’s just so damn fun. and i feel my body and mind working together. it’s such a challenge and i am loving every second in it. i’m using muscles i never knew i had!

which brings me to…

f) CLIMBING SHOES!

my friend, a ridiculously amazing climber, (and oddly enough one of the boys in my boy debacle) picked up a used pair for me at his climbing gym when he went home yesterday. for 15 bucks, they’re a steal. sure, they’re a little worn but hey, i don’t have to break them in! and they’re two different colors…absolutely perfect 🙂 it matches me pretty well, i think.

g) LIFE IS JUST TOO DAMN AMAZING. although i haven’t been to a counseling appointment in two weeks (our schedules conflicted last week. i get to see her tomorrow!) i’ve been thriving. at least, that’s how i feel. i walk around with this constant smile on my face. it just won’t quit. i’m laughing at lot. i’m feeling creative. i’m eating steadily and well. i’m not breaking out. i haven’t binged in weeks. i’m not being hard on myself. i’m not forcing anything on myself. to put it simply, i’m thinking positive thoughts, folks. and it rocks. each day strengthens my confidence. i am, honestly, in love with this person i am.

sigh. i’m so glad it’s the weekend. it’s been a busy week. but i’ve got work at four tomorrow morning and need to relax before i sleeeeeep. have an excellent thursday night, kidlettes! (and don’t worry kara, i’ll have that review on thrive up for you soon!)

namaste

zoe