December 24, 2010 seeing red
twas the night before christmas and all through the house, nothing was stirring…but zoe was in the kitchen. and no one was surprised.
really though, how else did you think i’d be spending my christmas eve evening? unfortunately i am not with my family at the moment. i volunteered to work on christmas (why starbucks needs to be open on christmas kind of astounds me. we’re open every day of the year. seriously.) because i live so close to home and i go home a lot and i know a lot of other people don’t so. plus we get paid time and a half i’m down ;). plus i’m off at 11:30 so i can still go home. tomorrow will be the first christmas i am not waking up at home. what a concept! i feel so…adult. gah, where is timing going!?!
so, to pass the family-less time, i cooked up some foods in the kitchen. some red food, specifically…
ever tried red quinoa? neither had i! so i bought some at trader joe’s the other day (on a trip originally planned for christmas shopping. FAIL.). and cooked some up for dinner tonight! wondering what the difference between red and white quinoa is? i was, too. the answer? nothing, really. red is a bit crunchier and chewier. but equally as delicious.
RED RASPBERRY VINAIGRETTE
(inspired by cafe gratitude!)
what you need
1/2 C raspberries (mine were frozen. i warmed for 30 seconds in the micro.)
1/3 C balsamic vinegar
2 T olive oil
2 t basil
1 t oregano
1 t garlic (or to taste!)
2 t lemon juice
1 t agave
crank salt and pepper
what you need to do
through everything into a food processor or blender and let blend for a few minutes. allow it to sit for about ten minutes for the flavors to meld.
oh, and sprinkled with chia seeds. because i’m trying to eat more seeds. i forget about them. i have hemp, chia, and flax seeds just kind of chillin’ in my pantry. i cannot ignore them any longer. because they taste good and are oh-so-good for you.
okay so what we’re not allowed to paint our nails at work? it’s christmas. and i wanted to. shhhh, just don’t tell my boss 😉
so i’ve got some cookie recipes coming your way soon, too. gonna tweek them a bit but the test run went well. i cooked three types of cookies for my co-workers for christmas last night. one came out stellar, another really well, and the third was good but not what i hoped them to be. so be prepared. cause it’s about to get tasty up in heeeerrreee.
and, before i go, one more thought. today i woke up and weighed myself again. you’d think i’d of learned by now, right? i thought that too. i tried all day not to think about it. in fact, i managed to shrug it off half way through the way. i reminded myself i was still beautiful, healthy, strong and capable. i reminded myself nothing important about me changed.
but i ate one of my cookies. okay, so i ate four. or five. point is, i ate them. immediately after consuming them i was run over by the guilt truck. okay, it was more like i was plowed into by the guilt truck. i learned long ago to have this association with guilt and food. it was the culture i was brought up in, unfortunately. sometimes i am incredibly good at turning off that guilt, because there’s absolutely no need for it. food should never be regretted, only enjoyed. the guilt used to send me into mini-panic attacks which forced me to work out until i felt like passing out or throwing up. but i don’t do that anymore. i am slowly learning to disassociate with guilt entirely and just simply be.
today, however, i failed. miserably. in the last hour of work i found myself drifting around unhappily, awash in the negative thoughts occupying my mind. i silently cursed at myself for indulging, especially because i told myself i wasn’t going to. i was going to be a good little girl and skip the desserts. phft. lame.
so i came home depressed. i laced up my running shoes partly out of guilt today. i admit it. but once i started my run, i realized it was just what i needed. i zoned out completely and just flew. seriously, my pace was amazing today. i surprised myself.
which lead me to this realization: yes, i weigh more than i have in a while. and yes, part of it is winter weight gain. but the majority of it is new muscle. and healthy weight i needed to put back on in order for my body to function properly. the number on the scale and the appearance i grew attached to was impossible for me to keep. it was not a happy place for my body to be.
know what else i’ve noticed? i am stronger than i used to be. my endurance is up on my runs, in my flows (i can just about hold full boat pose!), on the wall. i am healthy. and so what if i ate a few cookies? i’m still healthy. and a few cookies isn’t going to change that. or kill me.
it doesn’t matter what my weight is, especially if i feel as strong as i do. it’s about how i feel inside, not how i look on the outside. i just need to remember that when i start to feel blue. how do i feel now? fine, thanks. i talked myself out of my sour mood with positive thoughts and dancing. and cooking.
what pulls you out of a funk? have any realizations lately?
anywho, i’ve got presents to wrap and more things to cook and a yoga flow to go through before bed. have a wonderful christmas, loves! and if you don’t celebrate, enjoy all the empty streets. it’s pretty awesome, actually 🙂 or come visit me at work!
beatles song of the day: ob-la-di, ob-la-da. (the white album)
why? because life goes on. even if you ate that cookie. ❤