December 13, 2010 yoga, simply.
you all know i love it. i call it my saving grace. and i do so for a reason.
december marks yoga and my’s one year anniversary. one year ago i flipped on an exercise tv yoga video and tilted back into my first (awkward) downward dog. from moment one, i knew i found something special. but my journey with yoga blossomed and shifted as much as i did mentally, physically, and emotionally this past year.
admittedly, i first attempted yoga purely for a new work out. i wanted to be flexible. i wanted to be “sculpted”. i wanted to be like all the “sexy” yoga ladies i always saw tucked away in the pages of magazines. furthermore, when i first edged my way onto a mat, i used yoga in addition to my daily runs and daily work outs. i never did it on its own because, in my naivety, i believed it did not deliver the same benefits as pounding out seven miles.
as december 2009 unraveled into the new year, i unraveled from myself. i lost touch with the important aspects of life and found myself focusing on the superficial. i spent countless minutes and hours and days worrying over frivolous elements that only brought me pure unhappiness. during this time i lost touch with yoga, dabbling only on random days when my knees hurt so badly running was simply not an option. either that or i found myself huffing and puffing reluctantly through a flow because i binged and the guilt complex forced me to compulsive exercise.
however, as running continued to destroy my knees and drain the vitality, happiness, and harmony from my soul, i finally reached a breaking point. over the summer i woke up one day and knew i needed to stop. everything. i needed to stop running, i needed to stop restricting, i needed to stop bingeing. i needed to rediscover the person i lost somewhere in the months of 2010. so i turned to a long lost friend for guidance: yoga.
i woke up every morning and committed myself to my mat, if only for twenty minutes. the first few weeks were challenging. anxiety gripped my being and the negative voice in my head whispered to me about all the weight i was going to gain, all the damage i was going to do, all the hard work i was going to ruin. it told me all about how ugly i was going to become. but something else, that sliver of positive energy, told me not to listen any more. sure, some days break downs were inevitable. but the first unstable months proved to me just how wrong that negative voice was.
with the aid of yoga, i sunk my brittle roots into an unfamiliar solid ground and grew. i dug deep and sprouted into a new consciousness. i struggled up from the bottom but somehow broke through the surface. the more i reached for the sun, for that positivity i long ago lost, the more whole, centered, and peaceful i felt.
i’ve cried on my mat. i’ve dissolved into laughter on my mat. i’ve fallen asleep on my mat. i’ve eaten on my mat. i’ve found strength i never knew i had. my mat feels like a home away from home. yoga has taught me to cultivate patience, forgiveness, and love, among other things. it has grounded me in a new understanding of myself, of others, and the world around me. without yoga, i am not sure how happy of an individual i would currently be.
i am in no way perfect. this is quite possibly the most important lesson yoga has taught me. i still experience anxiety due to the negative chatter of my mind. whenever i feel out of control, instead of binge eating or not eating at all, i turn to yoga to find myself again.
as the new year approaches i find myself so deeply grateful for yoga and all it has given me, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. i will forever be thankful because, as you well know by now, yoga saved me from myself.
beatles song of the day: dear prudence (the white album)
why? because the sun is up, the sky is blue, it’s beautiful, AND SO ARE YOU ❤