November 26, 2010 thankful
how was your thanksgiving? delicious and amazing, i hope. thanksgiving never prompts me to be more thankful than i usually am but it does prompt me to deeply consider what i am thankful for. and, this year, i am thankful for so, so much.
i distinctly remember last thanksgiving. i was newly 20 and it was my first meatless holiday. it also served as the beginning to a year-long struggle. i just had no idea at the time. i woke up excited. and anxious. thanksgiving brought with it family, happiness, and food. a lot of food. the irrational voice in my head concentrated on the food. “you know you’re going to eat a lot,” it told me, “so you better get your ass on the treadmill.” so i listened. i busted out something like 3-4 miles and felt like i could let myself eat that day. still, i remember carefully watching what i spooned onto my plate and what i allowed into my mouth. let me assure you, i did not “indulge” like i had during past thanksgiving.
as the road to thanksgiving, 2010, wound to an end, i felt a bit of apprehensiveness. though i am currently in a much healthier state of body and mind, old habits and old thoughts die hard. i am still mending my mind-body connection. but i woke up to a beautifully crisp fall morning, the kind where the mountains behind the mountains outline themselves against a soft, blue sky devoid of clouds. the kind where the sun hangs high and warms the earth just enough so you smile and slip into a lighter jacket. the kind where an odd combination of hope and eagerness sprouts in the pit of your stomach and in the cavity of your chest. the day felt purposeful and charged with positive energy.
i carried the positivity through a 4.5 mile run. which i did because i wanted to, not because i had to. and only stopped because i needed to get ready! my runs as of late have been spectacular, but more on that later.
the positivity followed me to my cousin’s house in the east bay and stayed with me until i went to sleep last night. i cannot tell you how wonderful yesterday was. and how thankful i felt all day. all day. to be alive, to be present, to be happy and healthy and
so, here’s a couple of things i am incredibly thankful and grateful for:
1) my family. always. they’re amazing and patient and understanding and i’ve never known such strong unconditional love.
2) candace. she gets a category all her own. i am not sure where i would be without my best friend.
3) my friends. they’re amazing people, all of whom love my unconditionally and accept me for who i am.
3) my body. after months of abuse it has healed itself. i feel stronger and more at peace with it than i ever have. i love you, body!
4) food. because i do not fear it like i used to and recognize it’s healing and fueling properties. and how happy it makes me!
5) yoga. yoga saved me from myself. i will forever be grateful.
6) my home. i am so lucky to have a roof over my head right now as the temperatures continue to drop into the high 20’s and low 30’s each night.
7) my kitchen. enough said 🙂
8) the fact my dad swam a mile for the first time yesterday and the fact he choose to skip dessert because he was too full. (my dad has a lot of health to get back to, you guys. these little steps almost made me cry yesterday)
9) the health of my family, friends, and myself.
10) i am thankful that i have learned humility completely. it makes it easier to laugh at yourself and be silly.
11) and, i am thankful to see all of my high school friends later. this is the first time we will all be going out together since all turning 21. wish me luck!
oh, and, of course, i am thankful for you!
what are you thankful for?