October 20, 2010 zen and the art of getting over it
eventful couple of days over here on the california coast my loves! but such is life. how are you all? i hope you are well!
before i start, happy LOVE YOUR BODY DAY! tell me why you love your body? i love mine because it allows me the freedom to move! and i love it because it slowly healed itself after several long months of ill treatment. how amazing!
let me tell you a story. remember a little while back when i briefly mentioned my boy debacle? you know, the post where i found myself positioned between one boy with no attachments and another who just ended a two year relationship? well, i listened to my mind and pay attention to my heart and found i really, truly, completely dug the boy who happened to just end a two year relationship. this crush goes back a year, after all! it leaves me in an awkward position. especially because he and his ex, i am told, are contemplating reuniting. but unofficially. and without labels. whatever.
naturally i felt down. naturally the butterflies in my stomach wilted and my heart, that silly organ, tightened inside its ribbed cage. yes my loves, disappointment at something i tried desperately not to become excited over happen. but you know, i am only human. and, sometimes, our emotions overcome our common sense. after discovering the potentially mood changing news i did indeed feel down.
i found myself asking this very question: what do you do when fighting a funk? well, personally, you bake vegan banana bread. you inhale deeply. and then you decide to head out on a massive, mind clearing run. a run you say? are you asking yourself zoe, i thought you hated running? well, i do. and i don’t. i love it when my body feels like moving in such a way. and, sometimes, running is the only thing that calms my nerves. so after i popped the banana bread out of the oven and popped a piece into my mouth (no recipes yet, working on it still!) i laced up my running shoes and took off on my seven mile loop. it’s been well over three months since i attempted my last seven miler. i told myself to stop when i needed to. but you know what? i never found the need!
i took the run slowly. and it felt amazing the entire time. sometimes all you need to do is simply slow down. i am a big fan of slow movement. i zoned out to music like fiona apple and metric, not your typical work out tunes. the slow music matched my slow mood and i felt like i was floating through out the entire seven miles. i felt blissful and centered.i felt zen-ful. by the time i returned home all sweaty and grounded, i decided it would all be okay.
in the past i usually blamed the unravelling of a strong desire on myself. i was obviously not pretty enough, not funny enough, not worthy enough. i wound myself up playing the comparison game. what did girl x have that i did not have? what a waste of time and energy! this time around i reminded myself of my worth when, for a moment, i doubted it. i reminded myself one person does not and cannot determine my worth as a human being. no one but you can take away your value. at least, i like to think so 🙂
so did i wallow a bit yesterday and the day before (the day the news hit?)? naturally. did i wake up today a happier and brighter person? yes. i took this potential relationship demise as a sign. maybe the universe is pointing me in a better direction? regardless, i’m just going to roll with the punches. sometimes things just don’t work out, no matter how much you hope it does. we’ll see what the future holds but for right now, i am not dwelling. why let a silly boy blot out your happiness anyway :)?
plus, i have far more fun and positive things to focus on! like my birthday. in two days!!!! i’m so excited i just might burst. really though, i’m excited for my birthday dinner. and being able to order a beer with my meal. ah, the awesomeness that comes with (finally!) turning 21.
but please, do tell me: how do you zen-out and deal with difficult issues?
have a fantastic hump day, loves!
“when you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive — to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” -marcus aurelius
(p.s: omg i cannot believe i almost forgot to mention this to you all: remember how all those months of over exertion and under fueling led my monthly cycle to shut down completely? and remember how i got my blood tested twice to see what was up? and how it showed me nothing? and how worried i got? well, guess what? I GOT MY PERIOD AGAIN! it happened monday night and i starting crying. i am so ridiculously thankful for this body of mine. i was so worried about having to be put back on birth control (i HATE birth control and tend to steer clear of medicine when and if i can) and knew my body was smart enough to work itself out once i starting taking care of it again. bodies are so smart, you guys! it seriously amazes me. okay, okay, rant over :)!)
(p.p.s: katie is having a artisana coconut butter give away! link back to win!)