August 20, 2010 under the influence
i am a libra. which means i love peace, harmony, and balance. it also means i am easily influenced. but i am also zoe, the human being, meaning too that i am easily influenced. i know this about myself. whenever i catch myself in a situation considering something new or out of the ordinary, i like to pause and ask myself: why am i doing this?
as a young woman in the early stages of adulthood, i am forever shape shifting. in our 20’s i believe we try on several personalities until we find one we actually jive with one hundred percent. in the process of creating the foundation of what will become our final person (because no one ever truly stops changing, unless they allow themselves to settle), we pick up bits and pieces from the people who enter our lives and intertwine them into our own in our individual, unique way. for example, you dig a person’s laid back style and aim to mirror it. or you love how positive and carefree another person is and attempt to become more positive and carefree in your own life. influences such as these help create our selves. but at what point do you lose your individualism, if you do at all?
when i first started this blog i intended it to be a healthy living blog. i posted pictures of my breakfast, my lunch, and my dinner. i wrote posts dedicated to a hot and sweaty work out session. i posted recipes.
notice something, well…familiar?
everything about my blog and its contents merely blended into the entire blogshpere. it looked like any other typical blog. i modeled my blog after some of the first (and coincidentally the most popular) healthy living blogs i discovered. hell, i tried modeling my life after these same blogs. i started eating oatmeal for breakfast. i started running. i adopted a more strict vegetarian (now vegan) diet.
sure, it all seemed so positive at first. regular exercise! healthier food! a more positive attitude! but what started out so positive quickly spiraled into negative. i mentioned before how easily influenced i am. suddenly, whenever confronted with “unhealthy” foods (re: desserts, wheat, gluten, sugar) i felt guilty and panicky. i thought, “healthy bloggers don’t eat this!” so i cut out a lot of my favorite foods. and replaced them with foods suggested by bloggers: raw foods, sugar-free foods, low-carb wheat free breads.
and while i do not aim to be different, i do aim to be me. and dammit, i am not a runner. i am not a post-every-meal-i-eat person. i am not post this-is-what-i-did-today person. i am me. and “me” is honest, real, and hates skipping over the “dirty” details. “me” has a sweet tooth and sometimes loathes the word “healthy.” “me” craves in depth, thoughtful conversation, not endless bowls of oatmeal and exercise stats. and i think i forgot all that for a second. this is no fault of the blog world — this is all my own fault. i think i got caught up in an overwhelming amount of influence.
i am finally striking a balance. i ditched running already. and i am continuing to ditch the ideas i picked up from the blog world which just do not work for me. over the course of these few months i have been blogging, i have learned so much positive information about food and nutrition and health. please do not think i gained nothing from the blog world. because i gained a new understanding of food and of myself. i am just putting all the pieces together is all.
and while we’re on the subject of “different”…allow me to introduce you to last night’s dinner. yesterday i did not eat three square meals. i snacked. all day. on veggies and smoothies and more veggies and finally, this gem:
sweet potato fro-yo smothered in my home made magic shell (melted coconut oil mixed with some raw cacao powder).
the other day i overbaked a sweet potato, leaving it soft with a banana-like consistency. a light bulb went off and i immediately froze it in chunks. fast forward to a few days later and a spin through the food processor with a few splashes of almond milk, and BAM! my delicious frozen entre. chemical and preservative free. if you love anything and everything sweet potato like i do, i seriously, seriously recommend this.
how’s that for a little different :)?
now i need to resist the urge to make a pizza (anyone else notice about 15 million other bloggers posting pizza recipes these past few days? was there a contest i didn’t know about? whatever — i’m sure i’ll get around to making a pie of my own soon enough!), run a million errands (graduation papers, depositing my paycheck, baking a cake, cleaning more!) and remember to breathe.
“nothing of me is original. i am the combined effort of everybody i’ve ever known.” –chuck palahniuk, invisible monsters
(also: averie is graciously giving away some AMAZING tempt items! i LOVE tempt hemp milk “ice cream.” honestly the best i’ve ever had — and i’ve experienced “real” ice cream. check it out!)