July 9, 2010 what a waste of a tank of gas
anyone who can correctly identify the movie quote the title of this post comes from will forever be my favorite person ever 🙂
so i’ve been thinking. (HAH — what’s new?)
i woke up this morning full to the brim with happiness. i feel light and ecstatic (could it be the 30 minute summer flow i just did? partly :)). yeah, i ate a whole pan of brownies last night. but you know what else i did? well, all that chocolate gave me a whole lot of energy. enough for a run. so i set out on my quick 4 miler. guess what? i ran it in 31.7 minutes. that’s 7.925 minutes per mile. WHAT THE HELL!?!? i’m getting faster! SO much faster! i am so proud of myself for getting here. i am getting stronger, too. my endurance just goes! i think those HIIT work outs have helped loads!
after my run i showered, threw on clothes, and biked to my friend’s house for a party! did i have fun? i had so much fun. i refused to sulk in the corner and stay in my uncomfortable shell. eff that. i drank a little (it made my stomach hurt though so i stopped. only sober person there? always fun. seriously though :)), i laughed a lot, i did not worry about how i looked although i felt slightly anxious about my appearance. i realized that no one notices what i notice. although i’ve gained a couple of pounds, i still look good and am still told i look good.
a couple of friends asked me last night where i have been. i told them i’ve been here and i just never know when parties are because no one tells me. i was told this: “well, you never came out so we kind of just stopped telling you.” WHOA! no, i did not take offence to this because i knew it was true. i always made excuses as to why i did not come out: i’m tired, i have to wake up early, blahblahblah. the real reason i did not go out? i felt awkward at parties. i thought no one liked me. i felt like i no longer fit in with my group of friends. so i remained in my comfort zone. i went home a lot. i ate my feelings. i worked out. that was how i coped with my negativity. i did all of this instead of going out and having fun like a twenty-year-old is supposed to.
i am a great person. people like me. people didn’t like me because i thought people didn’t like me. what a load of crap! i am likeable because i am a great, strong, beautiful, funny, intelligent person. i feel like i have expended so much energy telling myself how unworthy i am. of everything. i feel like i have wasted so much time feeling miserable when i could just of easily been out having fun like i did last night.
last night proved to me how much i am missed and how much i miss having fun. i felt like i didn’t stop talking all night! my friends all told me they were happy i was out and that it needs to happen way more often. i agree.
i have so much to be thankful for. especially as of late. curious :)?
exciting news part one:
I GOT A JOB!!!!!!! i am not sure what took me so long to tell everyone (wait, yes i do. i was too busy thinking about how whack-attack i’ve been!) but i did it! i got a job! it pays more, the hours are bomb, i work with a great friend of mine, AND i already have twenty hours next week. yeah, i’m badass. where am i working? no judgements here — starbucks. while i a) don’t drink coffee, b) don’t necessarily agree with starbuck’s business practices, and c) , it’s still a job! and i need one. candace works for a starbucks in the area, too! something funny: when i told her the good news, she said “yes! now we can wake up at the same time!” oh yeah, we’re about to have some awesome 3:30 am wake up sessions!
exciting news number two:
I AM SEEING PAUL MCCARTNEY ON SATURDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
seriously you guys, talk about a dream come true!!!!! my parents got tickets a few months ago (BOMB tickets, by the way. great great GREAT seats!) but invited a family friend (sometimes i wonder where my parent’s leave their minds ;)). well, the family friend called the other day and said he could no longer make it. oh yeah, i snatched up that ticket IMMEDIATELY. he’s playing at giant’s stadium (at&t park!) which is awesome. AND the line up was in the paper. i just about cried. he’s playing some of my most favorite songs — the ones that hug me from the inside out and tear me to pieces at the same time. let it be is included on there, guys. it’s a sign. i was meant to go to this concert. plus, after it i am spending the night at the house of one of my best friend’s from high school along with other best friends from high school. we’re staying up late with a little kick back and waking up in the morning (hopefully hung-over free ;)!) to watch the world cup finale!
i live a blessed, charmed life. i am so happy i am starting to see how much i have to be happy about and thankful for instead of the other way around.
have a great day, kidlettes, i know i am going to 🙂
what has made you happy lately?