July 8, 2010 all apologies
all apologies is a really great nirvana song.
but seriously, i am all apologies today. i feel like such a debbie downer over here on the california coast. my posts as of late read so depressingly. i feel the need to apologize because i am not trying to come off so negatively. and so whiney.
i bet right now i look to you like a sad sack of a human being. i promise this is not the case! if we met in person, i doubt you would draw a connection to the person in these posts and the person standing in front of you. i swear i am generally happy, friendly, and mostly smiles.
today i feel much better as well. i concentrated on living healthfully today, in body, mind, and spirit. i woke up teetering on the edge of a negative whirlpool but managed to not get sucked in. i practiced positive affirmations today. whenever i looked in the mirror i said to myself look how beautiful you are! i repeated to myself today how grateful i am for this life and for this healthy, strong body. i treated myself well today and ate a satisfying breakfast, lunch, and dinner. (plus a little dessert ;)) i also tried to breathe today and soak in the beauty of my surroundings and fully appreciate the company of my dad.
during my 30 minute intense HIIT run whenever i encountered doubt i immediate flooded my system with more positive affirmations. i told myself i was strong. i told myself i was beautiful. i told myself i was smart, funny, nice. i told myself i was worthy of all good things.
instead of sitting by myself on the couch all night i went to a kick back and hung out with friends. instead of standing awkwardly in a corner, unsure of what to do or what to say, i threw myself into conversation. i talked to a boy i usually am awkward around because i usually don’t think he likes me much. but i told myself that by assuming he doesn’t like me, i automatically act weird. he does like me — i just fooled myself into thinking otherwise for no reason. i introduced myself to people i didn’t know. and i did it all with a smile on my face.
oh, and today i caught a few boys checking me out 😉 and i didn’t pretend like i didn’t understand why.
my aunt sent me roses for baking her retirement cake! they smell wonderful 🙂
it is amazing what a positive mind set can do to your day, don’t you think?