June 21, 2010 happiness
is a warm guuuuun!
good early, early morning kidlettes. it’s 12:51 am here on the california coast. seriously guys, i’m quite the night owl. i love staying up late…despite waking up at oh, nine every morning. it’s okay, i don’t mind 🙂
anywho, hope everyone’s father’s day went well! mine was splendid! i spent the night at home on saturday so i could wake up and be with my family already — and more importantly, my dad!
honestly, i’m not sure where i’d be without my dad. he’s been such a solid in my life. he’s been supportive in everything i’ve ever done and taught me so, so much. i’m for sure a daddy’s girl 🙂 fooor sure. check out what i found…
this was the first day of first grade! i used to have BLONDE hair when i was a kid. like, SUUUUPER blonde. and i also had a birthmark in between my eyebrows! never got teased though!
anyway, point is: HAPPY FATHER’S DAD! my family and i went out for brunch (where, unfortunately, there was basically no vegan options soo i had a decidedly UNvegan day…i ordered an omlette. oops! i just was so not in the mood for granola and fruit…) and then my dad and i saw toy story 3. GUYS. GO SEE THIS! it was seriously amazing. i laughed the entire time. super cute. can you believe the first toy story came out when i was seven? this series has spanned basically my entire life…7-20! crazy!
after returning home my dad and i cooked up some dinner. my parents had steak and i had grilled portobello, tofu, a roasted red pepper, and roasted broccoli. happy tummyyyyy. and we had ice cream sundaes. i got dairy-free local vanilla. i ate too much. BUT I’M OKAY WITH IT. i am.
i came home and, as is my (BAD) habit, examined myself in my full length mirror. my “girl” (aka: my stomach pooch) was there but i just shrugged and said: meh, i’m still bangin’ 😉
short story: i developed early. liiiike…in the third grade. it was embarrassing, as i was the only one of my friends to have boobs. then came the hips. and the bigger boobs. aaaand then bigger boobs. my genetics have gifted me with quite the womanly body. i’ve always been borderline ashamed of my body and have hid it in every way possible. when you develop early and no one else does, it’s AWKWARD. it made me feel weird and uncomfortable. and revealing clothing never appealed to me because i never wanted to reveal my curves. i felt like it was all anyone noticed and i didn’t want to be noticed. and because of my early development and subsequent embarrassment over it, i’ve never put myself out there. instead i stuck to the sidelines and watched my friends shine and flirt with the boys i only wished i could flirt with so easily. but today, i liked the curves i saw. i’m getting better at this whole confidence thing and this whole being comfortable in my own skin thing. i’m getting better at seeing that hey, people actually DO find me attractive. the only person who finds me “ugly” is me. it’s high time i start seeing what other people have seen all along. fake it till you make it, right? and i know some days i will eat too much and get a little down but i’m truly realizing that it’s OKAY.
i’m realizing i need to eat more.
i’m realizing i need to eat more often.
i’m realizing i need to just eat what i want.
i’m realizing i need to stop worry about calories.
i’m realizing i need to be just be happy.
most of all, i realized the key to happiness. the other day, jackie wrote a post about “the four agreements.” i highly recommend reading her post! it was very insightful. anyway, the four agreements is something my roommate and i talk about frequently. after reading jackie’s post, it got me thinking: happiness can only be achieved by you. it cannot be reached through the external. when internal peace is achieved, happiness — real happiness — will be found. at least, that’s what i’m starting to think! i’m going to start focusing on the important things, which will NOT involve my appearance. there are so many more important things to spend my energy on. i feel like the moment i stop obsessing about my body, it will change.
i think the reason my stomach disappeared last summer was because i was, truly, happy. i never thought about it. so it just…vanished. the power of thought astounds me. think negatively and your body and mind will be negative. think positively and, well, you get the idea 😉
so i’m going to start to strive for that internal happiness. i’m going to start to search for that lightness. i’m going to start to forget myself and just be. i’m serious this time.
what do you do to stay happy when negativity crowds in?
anyway, as it’s 1:23 (123!!!! anyone else love when the time is in numerical order? no? i’m the only dork? ;)) and i guess i should go to sleep (though i’m not tired in the slightest!). night kidlettes!
here’s to happy dreams!