April 30, 2010 awwwwkwaaarrrd!
i love love looove friday mornings! i (usually!) don’t work on fridays and i don’t have any classes on fridays so i LOVE fridays! especially friday mornings. they feel like saturday or sunday mornings. i get to wake up slow (though today not really. i forced myself to stay in bed, half assing sleep, till 9. my sleep has been really horrific lately. tossing and turning and waking up at 7. FOR NO REASON! body whyyyy!?!) and go on kick ass morning runs.
this morning i went on a solid nearly forty minute run. it is BEAUTIFUL today. i wish i brought my camera. it’s so damn clear — i saw mountains BEHIND mountains. sometimes it gets all kinds of icky on the skyline and smog builds up. but not today! the sun is shining and it felt badass to be outside. upon returning home i did a quick twenty minute yoga for runners which felt aaaaaahmazing! as of late i have been avoiding yoga. i know, why? maybe cause i went insane temporarily. i just wasn’t feeling it. but it felt so great today and reminded me why i love it so much.
yesterday i did something out of the ordinary…I DIDN’T WORK OUT. whaaaaaat?! i’m ridiculous this week. no, but really i took the day off because i decided to LISTEN TO MY BODY. i have a REALLY difficult time doing this. if i don’t work out i get anxious and picky about what i eat. but yesterday i forced myself to relax and throw out the window all my anxiety (okay, well most of it.). i didn’t even walk to school or walk anywhere for that matter (well…to classes from my car and back ;)). and you know what? I DIDN’T DIE. i need to remind myself of this. my body was aching for a break. my legs were tired. I was tired. and guess what? this morning i woke up rearin’ for a nice run. i felt rejuvenated and refreshed. obviously my body is telling me something — REST ONCE IN A WHILE YOU IDIOT!
anywho, so now it’s just about noon here in sunny, sunny northern california and i’m planning out the day. but first i devoured a bowl of vegan overnight oats! my bowl contained:
1/3 cup of oats
one T chia seeds
one T cacao powder
one cup almond milk
half a nanner
and i added these toppings this morning:
one T (ish) almond butter (yuuuum)
a sprinkle of unsweetened coconut
cinnamon & nutmeg
ah, how i love thee, breakfast!
but anyway moving forwards. or backwards, really, to last night. lemme start by saying this: i am the lamest college student ever. i have never really enjoyed parties too much. i rarely drink cause i’m just not a big fan. and anyways, i find parties kind dumb cause everyone stands around in little groups with a drink in hand awkwardly chatting, waiting for people to get drunk so they can FINALLY TALK. LAME. SAUCE. i like kicking it with people i know and love, anyway.
in all honesty though, i get anxious at parties. i feel awkward and don’t really know what to say to people. i’m kinda shy. it kinda SUCKS. although i’ve broken out of my shell significantly in the past year, it’s still incredibly difficult for me to walk into a party where i don’t know too many people. i tend to cling to the friends i came in with instead of talking to people i don’t know. i try soo hard to be independent at parties but fail. all. the. time. bleh, shitty feeling.
so last night my friends and i went to a party. it started off all good. my two guy friends came over and shot gunned a beer in my name:
precious. (and you wonder why i don’t drink beer in college: keystone BLOWS.)
we hung out a bit more then headed over to the party down the street. i knew i was only going to know a couple of people. i IMMEDIATELY felt awkward when i walked in. i knew the friends i came with and three other people. i felt myself crawling into my shell. since i wasn’t drinking i didn’t know what to do with my hands. they moved from my pockets to my sweater pockets. i crossed my arms. i uncrossed my arms. i picked at my cuticles (ugly habit. especially when i am nervous). i stuttered. i was embarrassed. i could barely talk to my friends, even. i smiled too much. it hurt my face after a while. i started thinking i should of dressed up a little more. i felt totally exposed and tried to remain calm the entire time. FAAAIL.
i ended up leaving early. i was super tired but also just plain effing AWKWARD. i hate feeling so shy. it’s crippling. last night was BAD too. i’m usually not thaaat bad but something just wasn’t clicking for me. does anyone else experience these feelings at parties? if not, HOW THE EFF DO YOU DEAL?! it’s funny because i am a super outgoing person outside of parties. i don’t understand why my personality doesn’t translate well in a room crammed with people. isn’t this what college is about? meeting random ass people in random ass houses and just letting go?
someone please let me know: how do you NOT be awkward at parties? i’m all about pushing myself out of comfort zones (hello south africa!!) but can’t seem to do it in this area of my life. i’m just stuck being awwwkwaaarrrd!
i’m not going to dwell on it though. i’m going to enjoy this here sunshiiiine with my bestie and roomie candace and later meet up with my parents and some family friends for dinner. i could not be more excited for the day. i miss my parents a lot as of late and can’t WAIT to see them. HAVE A GREAT DAY, LOVELY BLOGGIES!