Category Archives: the beatles
yesterday was rough.
although i am better able to regulate my moods around the time of my period, i still experience one to three days of intense emotional discomfort and insecurity. in order to grow and learn i think it’s really important to fully acknowledge and experience all of our emotions — good and bad. and yesterday was just about all bad.
you see, on monday night i kind of lost it. insecurity and my negative voice wholly took over and a binge took place (though i am happy to report this is the first in a long, long time. which means i’ve been really balances emotionally lately!). i was feeling incredibly uncomfortable in my skin and took it out on myself. i went to bed uncomfortable, unhappy, and disappointed. sometimes these things happen and i try not to be so hard on myself but i just felt like i let my body down. it’s not fair to treat myself so poorly.
i woke up yesterday in the same miserable spirits i went to sleep with. i spent seven hours at work wallowing, fighting that voice in my mind. sometimes this insecurity drives me insane. it can ruin anything and everything if i allow it to. and yesterday i just about let it do that.
i worked from 7:30 am to 3 and was so effing relieved to be off of work. i thought about my options. yoga sounded nice. deep breathing sounded soothing. instead i called up k and met him in san francisco at planet granite for an epic (seriously) two and a half hour climbing session. however i got lost on the way and i freak out when i’m lost. i freaked out at k, too. and then felt like the biggest bitch in the world. i apologized profusely for allowing my insecurity to project on him. nothing was his fault — i just let my emotions come out negatively.
a usual he calmed me down and we ended up bouldering and top roping in complete peace. and i most definitely conquered new territory. it’s really funny too because it’s been about three weeks since i last climbed (sigh) but i felt strong and capable the entire time. i wasn’t even too burned out at the end! i love, love, love climbing.
we ate at sol food (puerto rican food in my home town!) on the way back to school. was it late? yes. did i cringe a little for breaking a food “rule”? a little. but did i dwell on it in the end? nope
the night ended with some yoga and i got a fully, lovely eight hours of sleep. i am feeling so much better today. i just completed a fantastic hour and a half of yoga. first up was a session with chaz and then the newest free video of the week over at yoga today. loved, loved, loved it. all hip opening. i feel incredibly opened and settled. and much, much stronger in my person.
my favorite part of today? adi (the yoga today instructor) stressing this: every feeling is impermanant. how true and how fitting! though i felt awful yesterday and the day before, these feelings of insecurity didn’t last. i need to remember that in times of doubt.
additionally, one of my most favorite bloggers, lori, of what runs lori, wrote a beautiful and timely post today. she posted these “morning power questions”, questions meant to deepen your sense of gratitude and self-love. sounds right up my alley, right?! so, i’m going to answer them. i invite you to do the same!
The Morning Power Questions
(a la lori!)
1. What am I or what could I be most happy about in my life
What about that makes me happy? How does that make me feel?
i am strong. i am healthy. it makes me happy that i have the strength to lift myself into headstand and that my body helped me climb 60+ feet yesterday without falling on a route i never expected to complete. i feel grateful for this feeling of strength.
2. What am I or what could I be most excited about in my life now?
What about that makes me excited? How does that make me feel?
i am most excited for tomorrow’s road trip down to san diego (!!). i am going down for new years to spend time with candace (who is with her girlfriend, kat, who lives in sd) and our friends. i am so excited for the drive down, which i may be making alone. but solo drives are what i live for, especially when good music is involved. lots of time to think.
3. What am I or what could I be most proud about in my life now?
What about that makes me feel proud? How does that make me feel?
i am proud of myself for having the patience and willingness and openness to heal myself. i am happy to be working hard at simply being happy and accepting and seeing the abundance in my life. a year ago i do not think i would be able to have done this.
4. What am I or what could I be most grateful for in my life now?
What about that makes me feel grateful? How does that make me feel?
i am grateful for my family, for k, for candace and all my friends in san diego. i am grateful for their calming presence and their unwavering positivity that inspires me to only seek the same.
5. What am I or what could I be enjoying most in my life now?
What about that do I enjoy? How does that make me feel?
i could be enjoying the sunshine outside. i enjoy the warmth it brings and the brightness, especially after the absolutely ridiculous amount of rain from yesterday. it makes me feel hopeful.
6. What am I or what could I be committed to in my life now?
What about that makes me committed? How does that make me feel?
i am committed to change and accepting change. it makes me feel strong and powerless at the same time. i am committed to softening and it makes me feel content.
7. Who do I love? Who loves me?
What about that makes me loving? How does that make me feel?
i love my family. i love my friends, especially candace. it makes me feel giving and appreciated and compassionate. when i focus on love, all i want to give is love.
8. What questions can I ask that will add value to the lives of people I interact with?
What about that adds value to me? How does that make me feel?
i can ask how someone is doing, especially those who are serving me (like at a restaurant). i know these simple questions make me feel good at work so i like to think these simple, friendly questions help brighten other people’s days as well. it makes me feel happy and whole as well as giving and compassionate. i like to interact with others in positive, uplifting ways.
what would your answers be to these questions? have you even taken the time to sit down and contemplate the abundance in your life? where is your life over-flowing? in what areas is it lacking?
have a wonderful wednesday. i work at six but i think a yummy lunch and a trip to whole foods is in the near future.
beatles song of the day: all you need is love (the magical mystery tour)
why? because it’s pretty true, really. if you have love, you’re suddenly rich in all areas of life.
so i just spent a good forty minutes flipping through some of my favorite blogs. and i kind of noticed an odd response to the blogs more focused on diet and exercise and healthy living. i noticed an uncomfortable and negative competitive mood settled in my chest. i’m afraid i allow the content of blogs to spark up some unhealthy aspects of my person. meaning, really, i just start focusing on comparisons.
in all these holiday recap posts i am seeing people’s christmas dinner meals and mentally compare it to my own. i cringe when i see the amount of food in comparison to mine. i think, “god, she only ate that much? that much?” then guilt and shame appear in equal amounts and i feel inadequate, like i lost some game i didn’t realize i was playing.
i see some of my favorite bloggers writing about ways to stay motivated for work outs during the winter or what foods they’re eating now to counteract all the rich foods of the holiday season. these are all wonderful things but the controlling person in me wakes up when i read these posts. i suddenly feel badly for eating an extra treat and not exercising because the “holidays are over” and getting “back on track” needs to happen instead. i start saying, “okay, stop enjoying now.” i’m so tired of fighting against food and my negative self. i just want to enjoy with a conscience free of any fucking guilt. i want to restore my relationship with food, my mind, and my body.
and, if i am being one hundred percent honest with myself, i’m not sure reading these blogs is incredibly beneficial to my health and well-being right now.
i need to feel strong in all parts of myself. i know who i am and i know who i can be without this negative cloud always threatening to obscure my horizon. because there have been stretches of time when i am this person. this awful voice and this awful never ending cycle with guilt and shame and this need for control is holding me back from being completely happy.
and, if i am being honest with myself, i can say that i am a competitive and comparative person. and i can say that i know reading these blogs heighted these aspects of myself and brought me into unhealthy habits. and no, it’s not anyone’s fault but my own. because that’s how i allow myself to interpret these blogs and that’s how i choose to read them. negatively.
i think i’ve come leaps and bounds this past year. the journey of these 365 days has allowed me to grow and change and settle in so many different ways . i’ve healed so many parts of myself but i think there are parts that need so much more healing. a lot of these blogs stimulate and aggravate the parts of me i am trying to mend. i’m just letting my reaction to these blogs continue to nurture my negative person.
so i think i need to take a bit of a break for a while.
i think i need to do a little more growing before i can read some of these healthy living blogs. because their healthy intentions are only spurring in me unhealthy behaviors and emotions. i’m really working on just being. i am. and i feel like i am so, so, so close. i just need to get my priorities a little bit more straight, ya dig?
i’ll still post from time to time but i don’t think it will be much about exercise. maybe more about food. lots of food. and maybe more about yoga. and maybe more about the beatles because i’m pretty sure these things are what i always intended this thing to be about. so i think, i guess, expect some changes with the new year. because i’m going to be making some in my look nook of the california coast.
and, on that note, i’m going to go breathe it out on my mat. (did i mention k got me the most LEGIT yoga mat for christmas? he’s a keeper (and i’m the biggest dork you’ve ever met. i know.)). i might take a little walk to the bank because it’s sunny today and it hasn’t been in a while. and i’m pretty sure i might treck on down to cafe gratitude later because it’s my soul food. and my soul needs some good food. mmmm.
i hope you have a spectacular monday.
beatles song of the day: here comes the sun (abbey road)
why? because i’m super cheesy. and because the sun just came out after a lot of rain and it’s beautiful outside <3
(p.s: and for the creepiest thing of the day: my horoscope. verbatim:
A desire for approval today could cause you to base your decisions on how they will affect people’s opinions about you. Building up a stronger belief in yourself might help you make decisions because they are the right choices for you rather than because they will impress others or be in agreement with their way of thinking. You might want to take time today to affirm your self-worth and focus on your strengths today. The better you feel about yourself, the less you will worry about what others think. You can then make the decisions that are best for you.
Having a strong belief in ourselves gives us the confidence to not let the opinions of others sway us when we make decisions. While it is natural to want to have others affirm or agree with our choices, basing our choices on other people’s reactions is not always the wisest approach to take. If we can practice being self-referential, we will develop a stronger sense of self. We begin to trust our instincts more and make decisions based on what works best for us instead of on what others may think. The approval we receive from others regarding our choices becomes a nice acknowledgement of what we already know to be true. Believe in yourself and your ability to do what is right for you, and you can trust that you are making the right choices regardless of what anyone else says to you today.
happy halloween. hope the spookfest was spooky. currently listening to the beatles and picking over thoughts.
i ain’t feelin’ too hot, kidlettes. woke up engulfed in the funk. went to sleep last night cuddled up with the funk. not a good feeling. and you know what? i did it to myself. i have an uncanny ability to create a miserable existence for myself. i really loathe when i do this because it never brings me happiness. it only makes me feel lethargic and down. today consisted of patchy grey clouds and moments of happiness blurred together with an consistent underlying feeling of unworthiness. last night after work i skipped the halloween work party in favor of sitting alone at home. i regret it. i missed a good night all because of my own silly self. lesson learned.
the regret mingled with the feeling of anxiety and doubt all day today. though i laughed and smiled some, i still felt like i walked around on eggshells. and, eventually, i cracked. i caved tonight, big time. i attempted a head clearing run today followed by what i hoped to be soothing yoga. fail. not even a new yoga flow in the evening helped either. i still indulged in a bag of candy corn and far too many unsweetened chocolate chips. and please, no one tell me it’s okay. because making yourself feel on the verge of puking (literally) is not healthy. i binged because food is one of the ways i calm my anxiety. it never works, though. it only adds to my uncomfortable feelings. i know this but i know no other ways to ease my sadness. exercise only goes so far. working out and food just cannot be my only two outlets.
tomorrow i am making another appointment with the counselor. if this week told me anything, it was i still need help navigating this path to health and happiness. two appointments set up a good foundation but i now need to start building. in addition tot he counseling appointment, i have an over the phone consultation with a nutritionist tomorrow. she is from my home town and i’m so excited. though i truly believe i cannot be vegan right now, i might be able to be vegan in the future. i am scared to let go of my habits and my routine but in order to change, i need to.
i’m sorry to be such a downer right now. i really hate bumming people out. but sometimes blogging it out really helps me get a better perspective and a better handle on my feelings. from the bottom of my heart i thank you for bearing with me. i am doubting myself worth right now for a handful of reasons. mainly guys, recognizing issues with attention and its validating power for my self-worth, and feeling frustrated and anxious about my body. some times i dig myself into a deep hole and have issues crawling out. i’m only human. i know the good days come with the bad. and i’ve been in my head just about all week. i’ve been stumbling on a lot of realizations all week and it really all came to fruition tonight. sometimes i overwhelm myself. luckily tomorrow is a new day, a new sun to wake to a new set of hours to be thankful for. another chance at positivity.
unlike my past self, i see positivity in the future, not an endless road of difficulty. i’m know these feelings of inadequacy will pass, something i used to not believe. i know i will get back on the healthy track in a short time. i’m just on an unfortunate and frustrating detour. i’m sorry for being so melodramatic. it’s something i do sometimes and i’m not really a fan. i can be pretty emotional at times. and whiney. it’s annoying. but right now it’s all i’m feeling. so again, i thank you for your patience. if i could bake you all cookies i would. honestly. maybe i will! gimme your addresses if you’re game
anyway, it’s about 12:30 in the am here. guess it’s november now. wow, can you believe that? it’s almost thanksgiving! it’s almost the end of 2010. damn. cannot believe it. whatsoever. i look forward to this week. i’m going to try and make it a good one. check back soon, too — i’ve got some weekend recipes to dole out.
have a fantastic monday, loves. and again, i apologize for the downer of a post.
a beautiful end to a beautiful weekend. sunshiney blue skies all weekend. no work. lots of friends and lots of adventures.
what did i do?
saturday a friend and i went to the 12th annual power to the peaceful festival in san francisco. unfortunately, i missed the day including yoga. fortunately, i went to a day filled with music, excellent vendors, fantastic organic foods and tons and tons and tongs of people. we saw rebelution. we saw other local bands. we watched acrobatic yoga. we saw a lot of old hippies, lots of young hipsters, and a bunch of peace loving kids (me included). i also got to feast on some food from lydia’s organics! they’re a local company (from my home town!) and i’ve talked about how much i love their crackers so it only made sense i loved their food as well.
this plate of deliciousness was called the coconut curry special. delicious salad with “rice” (cauliflower) and marinated veggies in a coconut curry sauce. um. so…this was delicious! and it came with three of my most favorite crackers!
this was ultra hydrating which was exactly what i wanted. it was ridiculously hot in the city yesterday and i could not get enough water.
another great part of yesterday? BUFFALO!!
san francisco has a section of golden gate park fenced off for these buffalo. they’ve been here foreeeever and i remember my grandma taking me to see them when i was a kid. new sight for my friend, who is originally from san diego.
and last night one of my best friends from high school came to visit me. and this morning we went to the farmer’s market! i went a little crazy…
minus the hummus (part of my lunch i was snacking on!) the pile of food you see includes dino kale, kale, thai sweet basil, basil, cantelope, heirloom tomatoes, okra, peaches, nectarines, eggplant, mango plums (these are seriously delicious), carrots (ooof course), romaine, and three nut butters i got at trader joes (my most favorite place everrr). i am stocked for the week and plan on making lots of delicious meals when i have time to do so.
also, i’ve contemplated new ideas for my next tattoo. i am addicted, this is true. number three will most likely be words because, well, for obviously reasons — i am a writer. i love words and find meaning in so many. i’m thinking about getting some (more) beatles’ lyrics. are you surprised? there’s a few lines from the song ‘dear prudence’ that really strike me: ‘the sun is up, the sky is blue, it’s beautiful, and so are you.’ it would be a permanent reminder to see the bright side of the issue and to always see the beauty in people and things and especially in myself. what do you guys think! i’d get it on my left side, if you were wondering. i’m going to sit with it a few months and see how i feel. never get a tattoo on impulse! shit’s permanent!
but my main dilemma unfolded itself in front of me this weekend. it kind of sucks. and i’m kind of wondering where all this karma is coming from. the universe sure knows how to create an unfavorable coincidence sometimes. allow me to explain. last year around this time i met a guy who i immediately really liked. we seemed to click pretty well. but there was just one problem (isn’t there always?): he had a girlfriend. so i put my feelings aside and just stayed his friend. and pretended the flushed feeling he created in my face and the nerves he ignited in my stomach did not exist. no, we were just friends.
so now, almost a year later, i find a boy at work who i think is pretty cute. he is quite similar (re: very) to the guy i originally found attractive. we all work together, i should mention. and about a week ago, boy number one got dumped by his girlfriend. right when i started to “move on” from my little crush that refused to die. and guess what? yeah, it refused to die. this crush has acted more like a phoenix, really. it grew again from the ashes of epic fail. and i know he’s in no position to start a relationship. and i know his heart is broken. and i know i have no interest in being a rebound. but damn it…i really like him.
i don’t often talk about boys on here. i am really shy. painfully so. i’ll tell those background stories another time. but do know that right about now, i am done with the single thing. and i’ve been working really hard to put myself out there. and it seems to have worked. boy number two kind of likes me. i can tell. candace can tell. but now boy number one is suddenly free of his girlfriend. this is a shitty situation. there’s no other way to put that. talk about a ridiculous “love” triangle. ugh.
any suggestions as to what i should do? i hate leading people on and always make sure never to do it (learned that lesson. again, another story for another day…) and i do like boy number two it’s just…you know. what do i do? kill this new found crush and patiently wait? or the other way around? i don’t even know if i have a shot with boy number one, either. regardless, this is going to drive me crazy for a little bit. any help would be much, much appreciated.
as for now, i am just going to go with the flow. which means making dinner (it’s soup sunday afterall!) and ignoring my homework till the last possible second.
have a great evening, kidlettes. and i apologize for this rambling post. i tend to do that a lot. thanks for sticking around.
hello hello hello!
sorry i dropped off the face of the earth for a second there. i’ve been busy busy busy. seriously. it’s awesomely ridiculous.
before i launch into anything of great importance, let me detail the most amazing night of my liiiiife: the PAUL MCCARTNEY CONCERT!
he was so totally awesome i cannot really begin to explain. the band (five including paul) rocked the stadium (it was at att&t park — home of my giants!!). i seriously think every seat was taken. fo’ reals. not fo’ play play.
he played a lot of solo stuff and a lot of wings stuff i did not know too well. of course i knew live and let die and band on the run (thank you guitar hero!) but the beatles’ songs he played were wonderful. all my loving. ob-la-di ob-la-da. hey jude. i’m looking through you. blackbird (which he inform us was written in response to the race issues in the south during the civil rights movement. who knew!). something. back in the USSR. two of us (my heart sighed deeply). and others that are currently eluding me. just know it was fantastic. and our tickets were on the field! which was cool but my mom and i are short (she’s 5′ i’m 5′ 1″!) so seeing over all the tall standing people was difficult.
he played for THREE HOURS. STRAIGHT. there were two encores and MAN, he was so personable and funny. he told stories of his beatles’ days, of john and george. it was so, so, so much fun. my mom, dad, and i all agreed ringo should of made a guest appearance. but he didn’t. boooooo! no worries, i forgive him
and as for other news, as of late life has felt full and satisfying. i am currently four days chocolate free (though i did eat some carob chips but that’s not technically the chocolate that kills me sooo…i’m allowing it until i finish the bag!) and already i feel a difference. my body feels lighter and my mind more clear. i am not having heavy mood swings or experiencing funks i simply cannot shake. i am honestly loving what i see in the mirror more and more each day. i wake up every morning and repeat to myself three things: you are beautiful. you are strong. you are capable. i repeat this several times until i feel myself believing it. so far, so good.
if i find myself caught in the comparison game, i remind myself how amazing my own body is and despite the differences, i am still just as beautiful as the body i am comparing myself to. this positivity has allowed me to see fully the beauty in my environment and the people around me.
a while back jackie wrote about the four agreements. since reading her lovely post, i keep them in mind almost at all times. i think about my words and how to use them effectively. i don’t talk simply for the sake of talking and monitor my words for gossip. i remind myself to not speak badly about people because i know i would not like that. practicing not taking things personally has been challenging but so rewarding. i used to make myself sick (literally. i got anxious to the point of feeling ill and unable to eat and sleep) worrying about why people reacted to me in certain ways. but now i just breathe and remind myself that it is not me, it is simply how that person choose to react to the situation. they could be in a bad mood and hey, bad moods happen. i know this for a fact. this goes too for assumptions. i work daily to not assume things, such as “s/he didn’t call/text me back because _____”. useless. unless you want to make yourself sick
i getting stronger, in mind and in body. the other day, chaz, the awesome yogamazing instructor (check out the podcasts people! itunes ), suggested writing little notes on your yoga mat, as his daughter decorated his. so i took the advice and wrote this at the very top of my mat:
i am getting deeper into my yoga practice and cutting back on runs (though i went on a kick ass 6.3 mile run yesterday!) because my body (and my mind and sanity) crave yoga more than anything right now. this message at the top of my (super cheap) mat has motivated me whenever i feel doubt coming on in difficult poses. try it and see what happens!
as for now, i just finished a great 75 minute power yoga flow (yogadownload.com!) and have plans to go grocery shopping! i worked from 4-8 today (yes, four in the morning! i was up at 3:15!) and it went so well! i started yesterday and today actually got to brew coffee and work the pastry case. it will be a while before i can do much else but those four hours FLEW by! i am already loving this job about ten million times more than my last one, where five hours felt like torture and inched by painfully, horrendously slow.
but have a good day, kidlettes! i have some interesting (at least i think! hah! ) topics i’d like to share and discuss with you in future posts! keep an eye out
beatles fun fact (because i suck at being consistent): Contrary to popular belief, the title for “Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds” was prompted by 4-year-old Julian Lennon’s description of a painting he brought home from school, not the drug, LSD. John Lennon has been said to have preferred Elton John’s rendition of the song, and played background guitar and backup vocals on John’s version, credited as “Dr. Winston O’Boogie and his Reggae Guitars.”
(oh and sidenote: i’m almost able to get into the foundation of a headstand!!!!!!)
good morning, kidlettes!
not only did i just spend 20 minutes attempting to get mango out of my teeth (just one of my many methods for attracting the opposite sex!), but it’s all kinds of grey outside. i’m hoping the sun will burn off all of this low hanging fog by noon (like it usually does in the summer) but i’m not quite sure it will. it’s 10:30 already and still pretty damn bleak.
the rest of yesterday ended up being pretty rad-tastic. (just a quick fyi: i love making up words. and ridiculous sayings. you might see some…or a lot…from time to time. do not be alarmed — it’s just me being all weird-like!). i biked around and kicked it with some friends. i got to reintroduce myself to thebestvideogameever (nerd alert!) super smash brothers brawl! (for the wii). i played a borderline disgusting amount of brawl last year. it was fun to indulge a little.
following my mini geek-out i came home to make dinner. which was nothing special, i assure you. just some sauteed onions, spinach, chick peas, and half of a beet i roasted the other day. it was tasty. but the REAL tasty part came after dinner. dessert holds a special place in my heart. on my path toward healthy living, i found my body reacts really poorly to high doses of sugar. B-U-M-M-E-R. i just cannot handle very much of it at one time. so, what’s a girl with a massivo sweet tooth supposed to do? recreate her favorite desserts with a healthy spin, of course!
now you’ve all seen this before. it ain’t nothin’ new. banana soft serve a la gena. i scream, you scream, we all scream for bananasoftserve! that has a great ring to it, i know
BUT, trust me this is a HUGE but, i think i just found my most favorite way to add a bit more decadence to it.
magic shell made for some magic sundae’s when i was a kid. i luuurved the chocolate flavor. well duh, that’s because i love chocolate. i might bathe in chocolate if given the opportunity. but that’s besides the point. the point is this: this stuff is pretty not-good for you.
ingredients: SUGAR, SUNFLOWER OIL, COCONUT OIL, COCOA, CHOCOLATE, CONTAINS 2% OR LESS OF: COCOA PROCESSED WITH ALKALI, SOY LECITHIN, SALT, VANILLA, MILK.
when sugar is the first ingredient, that’s a major boo. the rest is not too bad but i know i could go without the huge sugar dosage. plus the nutrition stats don’t look so stellar, either. per 2 T you get 210 calories, 17 g fat with 7 g of that being saturated. and 16 grams of sugar! no thanks, imma pass.
and instead i’ll add this to the top of my mountain of banana soft serve: DARK CHOCOLATE ALMOND SPREAD!
this is what i did:
i froze bananas.
i places roughly 1.5-2 (ish) bananas in my food processor.
i processed for a few minutes.
i scraped down the sides a couple of times.
i added 1 T carob powder for extra chocolatey-ness.
i processed for a few more minutes.
i scraped into a bowl.
then, magic happen. heavenly, delicious magic.
i took 1 T maranatha’s dark chocolate almond spread and melted it in the microwave for 30 seconds. i stirred it up and drizzled it over my mound of soft serve. it looked beautiful. and mouthwatering. i snapped a quick picture before completely destroying it.
and you know what i found when i started to
inhale it dig in?
THE DARK CHOCOLATE ALMOND SPREAD HARDENED EXACTLY LIKE MAGIC SHELL!!!!!!!!! best. discovery. EVER. evereverEVER. i am making this again tonight it was so good. i am a happy happy girl.
(however, just now i looked at the ingredient list for this. while it’s not as processed or as “bad” for you as magic shell, i think the list could be a whooole lot better. plus it’s not vegan, sorry kara! i think in the future i will either a) make my own chocolatey-almond spread OR buy one with better ingredients. any suggestions as to different brands!?!)
i was so satisfied with this. i was literally BEAMING. ahhh…food, glorious food! plus this stuff didn’t have any dairy in it which, sooooometimes, upsets my stomach or makes me a little bloaty-gasy. (oh hey honesty, what up!) following this bowl of awesome i biked back to my friends house and partied a little before retiring to bed. i forget how sleepy wine can make me…(partying with wine…the classy college student.)
but i wanted to touch on something i’ve been thinking a lot about lately. i know i’ve mentioned this before but bare with me. let me start by saying this: i love every part of my body except for one place. i love my legs, i love my arms, i love my face (when it doesn’t break out!), i love my hair, i love my butt, i love my shoulders, i love my back. i DO NOT, however, love my stomach. you all know this, i’ve lamented about it before. no matter what i do i still manage to carry around this little pouch. i’ve lost over 20 pounds and STILL this bump remains. by the end of the day, i can most certainly look 4 months pregnant. talk about a self-esteem deterrent. BIG TIME.
my girl, as i not-so-affectionally call it, has been the source of my body-image misery since i was a kid. i cried about it in middle school, i cry about it today. laaaameeeoooo. it seriously upsets me, particularly because last summer when i went away, IT went away. big time. my lower abdomen shrunk considerably. i loved it and never thought twice about it. upon returning back to the states though, it has returned a considerable amount. so while every other part of me has toned up and looks pretty great, my lower abdomen has not.
when i read all of these healthy living blogs i love so much, every picture these wonderful women post of themselves gets me down a bit. i try so hard to not get caught up in the comparison game (much easier said then done, i know) but dang guys, it’s so hard. all of these women seem to possess these amazingly flat stomachs. and if they’re not entirely flat, they’re definitely not “4 months pregnant”, either. i feel like a failure. what did i do to make my stomach re-inflate like it has? i work out 5-6 days a week. i switch it up. i eat well. it’s driving me insane. aaaaabsolutely bonkers. is it because i don’t eat as much i should considering my muscle mass? is it because i eat too much fruit? is it because of gluten (which i have slowly cut out of my diet for experiments sake)? is it because i don’t drink enough water? is it because i am bloating? is it because i am obsessing about it? is it….?
whatever it is, i really want to figure it out. i know genetics plays an important role, but i also know it is completely possible for me to have a flatter stomach because i had one not even a year ago. without any stupid abs exercises. and without any ridiculous amounts of exercise.
ugh. can anyone help me recovery my sanity? this fixating business is so not healthy, that much i know.
so now i’m going to forget myself on my yoga mat. does anyone else have yogamazing podcasts? the instructor, chaz, offers a bunch of different classes. they’re really nice. i think i’ll do one of his and then a yogadownload. i need to pump up the endorphins before a tummy-related mood sweeps over me.
have a good day, everyone!
beatles fun fact: In 1962 a contest was held by the Mersyside Newspaper to see who was the most popular band in Liverpool. The Beatles won the contest by calling in and posing as different people voting for themselves.
good evening kidlettes!
currently chowing down on dinnerrrr. it’s a good one! i’ll get to that in a second. let me rewind a little bit first.
did everyone have a nice weekend? i hope so! i ended mine on a great note. i had my LAST DAY at my job! donedonedoneee. so happy! yesterday i woke up with absolutely nothing planned. i debated a run. i debated a free day. i did not, however, debate breakfast! i bought gluten free oats (bob’s red mill) and decided to give them a test run. they ended up looking quite beautiful (oats? beautiful? i’m weird.)
in the bowl:
1/3 cup gluten free rolled oats
1/4 cup coconut milk
1/4 cup water (plus a little more)
a ton of cinnamon
half a nanner
1 (heaping!) T dark chocolate almond spread
a few cinnamon puffins
sadly i think the gluten free oats cook differently and the portion was WAY smaller than “normal” rolled oats. and the coconut milk flavor didn’t shine through as much as i’d would of liked it to. so i ate this to round out a fully satisfying breakfast:
do you guys like melon? i LOVE melon. any kind. candace hates it. (weirdo).
yesterday i really tried to eat three solid meals and at least one snack. started off well, if i do say so myself !
after breakfast i happened to catch the “adventure list” on our fridge. candace and a few friends of ours created a list of “adventures” to go on when we could not think of anything else to do. one it? walk across the golden gate bridge! believe it or not, before yesterday, despite living less than 20 minutes from it my entire life, i’ve only walked across the bridge ONCE. when i was six. i one upped the adventure and decided to run it! i invited my mom along and my dad jumped on board last minute. they walked while i ran from the marin side to the san francisco side. i met them up in the middle. a quick two-ish miles! i’m getting faster, too, folks ! happyhappy.
honestly, i love spending time with my parents. the older you get, the more you want to go home. interesting, hmmm ?
once we got home we aaaall wanted food. my dad threw together a pretty little veggie pizza on cornmeal crust (of which i had once slice) and i threw together a pretty substantial salad:
in the salad: one head romaine, one roasted carrot, cherry tomatoes, roasted corn, navy beans, and sauteed mushrooms (left over from the pizza!). daaang. this hit the spot. anyone else crave salads for lunch? it’s a must in my life just about every day. i try to vary it though. otherwise i might bore myself to death. death by salad…who would of thought!
following lunch my brother accompanied me to whole foods where i purchased the final bits for dinner. i’m a dork and brought food from my apartment home to cook for dinner. i couldn’t abandon operation clean out the pantry! plus i dreamed up a pretty tasty dish…vegan enchiladas! i got inspired by susan over at fatfree vegan kitchen and angela at oh she glows.
guys…these turned out phenominal. they were so ridiculously tasty! please try them, or any variation you’d like. vegan enchiladas make for one happy tummy!
what you’ll need:
one spaghetti squash
one medium sweet potato
one ezekiel wrap
one block firm tofu
one can tomato sauce
one T oregano
one T basil
one t salt
one T cayenne (or any other hot spice. i used this amazing one my dad got at a spice store. can’t remember the name, sorry! also — use as much spice as you’d like. you know how i like me some spicy eats!)
enchilada sauce (use as much as you’d like)
“cheese” (i bought that daiya i’ve read about because it was on sale. you guys. this stuff ROCKS! sosososososooo good. and worth that $$$!)
what you’ll need to do:
preheat oven to 400
cut spaghetti squash in half and scoop out insides. place in baking ban with about an inch of water. drizzle olive oil over the halves before adding as much salt, pepper, and minced garlic as you’d like. stab holes into the sweet potato. bake for 40 minutes, remove the squash, up the temp to 450 and cook sweet potato for another 20 minutes.
meanwhile, prep your tofu! drain water and press for at least half a hour to get out all excess water. once ready, crumble into bits and pieces in a bowl so it resembles ground beef.
in another bowl, mix together tomato sauce and spices!
dump sauce on tofu and let marinate, covered, in the fridge for at least half an hour. (mine sat for about an hour).
allow sweet potato and squash to cool. scrap half of the squash into a bowl. (i saved the other half for more things to come this week!). cut sweet potato in half. take out wraps! spread half of the sweet potato in the middle of the wrap. layer it with the squash. then the tofu. the final product (before wrapping) should look like this:
it may not look appetizing but just trust me on this one.
you’ll want the oven at 350 now. cover a small pan (about 8 by 3) with a layer of enchilada sauce (i used trader joe’s bottled because it was in my pantry. but next time i don’t think i will. the ingredient list was super long…). carefully roll up your wrap and place in pan. cover with as much enchilada sauce as you want. (i made a small half wrap for my mom, too!) looks like this:
not only did my mom (a non-vegetarian/vegan) LOVE this, but my brother tried a bite and asked me to make one for him too. and they said i ate weird food the flavors just went really well together. it was super filling. later my bother and i went for some fro-yo. gooood night.
going home always puts me a great food as i’ve said before. it gives me a chance to relax and catch up with my family. my brother and i managed to squeeze in a mini hike before dinner. we live up in the hills and hiked up one. at the top there were swings!
i spent the night at my house because this morning i went to the bakery i got hooked up with. however, it did not go as planned…i didn’t get the internship she said it was bad timing, as she was looking to actually hire someone, not take on an intern. she also said i needed to improve my skills as well, as i wasn’t quick enough in the kitchen. at one point i was removing thyme from branches and she said: “you got to learn how to manage your time!” haha, pun intended? i’m not sure. regardless, i laughed. it’s true — in the kitchen, especially one THAT busy, (line-out-the-door busy kidlettes!) time is essential.
i agree, i most definitely do. but it’s still a bummer. i’m looking on the bright side though — she said i could always come back after i got a little training and was super encouraging about getting practice. she was really nice about the whole thing. plus, i learned how to crack an egg one handed today — in BOTH hands! and she gave me free pastries for my time.
summer has a whole new outlook now. i’m going to find a new job i will hopefully enjoy and i’m actually kind of excited. it will be much more relaxing then planned. i can always enjoy more relaxation.
like right now. this is a LONG post. and i had a major hot yoga session earlier so all i want to do is curl up with some tea and a documentary. nightnight kidlettes!